It's been a while since I've been active here. I still log on every day, but I just haven't engaged with this place lately. I want to, but I just have other things going on to the point that it's difficult for me to want to spend energy doing absolutely anything at all other than just numb out and waste time and think about nothing.
Stasik was really my best friend on here, we corresponded every day for multiple months. I don't know if he felt the same way, I think he rather disliked me. But that's how interpersonal relationships work I guess, people don't feel the same way about each other.
Anyway, insomnia is hitting me as hard as ever. I know I've complained about it here numerous times, though I don't know how many of those logs survive and how many I've nuked. Whatever the case, I had to drop a class, and my grade in latin is a C. I would quite like to get it back up but I don't know if I will be able to just given how little focus I have in a day. It sounds so self-indulgent to complain about, but I think it's a valid complaint; I sleep 4-5 hours each night, I feel ill throughout the day from not sleeping, it's affecting my grades. I hate it so much, but there's not really anything I can do, so I suppose there's no point in complaining about something I can't control. Still, though, it's hard.
My podcast co-host says we should take a "hiatus". He has been unreliable for a while, and this honestly was unsurprising but still annoying. I understand that life is kicking him in the butt, it is also kicking me in the butt, but he hasn't really communicated with me as to why he is constantly unavailable. "It's my work schedule", he says, but he has worked multiple jobs and been unemployed for a time. "It's my school schedule," but what about summer break? Spring break? Winter break? He also transferred from a university to a community college. And like, I have a lot going on too; that is fine, all I want is just for him to communicate. Just communicate. I have to prompt him multiple times to get a time figured out to record.
Regardless, I am considering doing a podcast of my own; it would be commentary on ancient theater and story. This idea was mainly born of the fact that I read a lot of commentaries on ancient tragedy, including Euripides' Bacchae, and posted a wu about it. It would be a good amalgum of interest and knowledge for me. The only problem is that my insomnia is awful and I likely would not be able to post frequently. If I have to pay $13 a month, I want to be able to have episodes frequently. It would be limited by how long it takes me to read something and commentaries regarding that thing, which could be a month or two or three between recordings.
Latin is happening. I have three declensions to memorize, four conjugations, forms of sum, it's awful. I feel like I'm genuinely going to lose my mind, just how much sheer memorization it is. When I learned that latin has cases, I thought there was only one declension. I did not realize that there would be FIVE, and that masculine/feminine/neuters decline differently, and that the same suffixes exist for multiple cases or even between declensions. Not to mention having to memorize four principal parts for each verb, two for each noun. Latin is really cool but it's a huge pain in the ass to learn.
I've been working on a short story. I hope to someday be published in a magazine -- my dream is the Apex Magazine, which is a webzine. George R.R. Martin claims that his secret weapon is that he writes everything in Wordstar 4.0. I got Wordstar up and running on my PC. I've been writing in it. It's no different from any other text editor, in my opinion, but it has charm to it. It's bare-bones, it's pragmatic. The only issue is that I will need to use a conversion utility to convert it to text that modern computers can understand.
I have a non-functional old DOS machine. if I wanted to I could get an IDE hard drive and a USB floppy drive, and some floppy disks. Burn MS DOS to three, burn Wordstar to three more, stick em in, get MS DOS running, install wordstar, and it will be authentic. The only problem is that I don't have a monitor that would work with the thing. I know in the past I have pined in these daylogs about the death of VGA and DVI, but my modern-day gpu doesn't take either; therefore, I have neither anymore. I do not have enough money for all these sheninegans, so I will not do any of this. It's fun to think about.
In other news, I've been playing a lot of chess again, and losing miserably. It's amazing how much skill I've lost just by not playing. I don't know if I'll ever get to blindfold levels, it sure would be nice.