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The Kim Li Diaries: Chapter Eleven (fiction)
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(
fiction
)
by
dannye
Fri Dec 01 2000 at 4:25:50
That walk up to the
house
felt like the walk down the
aisle
with ol' Frances back in '84. God, what a
demon
bitch
he picked to get
married
to. He had to
chuckle
to himself as he started walking slower, thinking back to that
reception
where Seedy Petey had
deflower
ed the whole
contingent
of
bride's maids
in one
fell swoop
. Damn, Deck had seen some fuckin' and fightin' in his life, but that day was one to remember. A 3-dicked
chihuahua
couldn't have scored quicker than old Petey did. He got two of 'em at one time. Now, tell me how that happens?
You had to love the
horny
bastard, but Deck was getting real concerned about this 2.5-baller that might (or might not) be his
salvation
if things got rough.
As he neared the door, Deck tried to get his mental
gears
back into
neutral
so he could deal with whatever was going on in this godforsaken house. Hell, it looked like rental property from
Al Gore
. You could smell the
sewage
seeping up from the ground like it was the Night of the Living Fucking Dead or something. Deck knocked on the door.
Some man inside said, "Who th' fuck is it?"
Since this was a more
pleasant
greeting than Deck was used to, he said, "Hey,
cocksucker
, I got something for your
fat ass
. You want it
now
, or you want me to give it to your
mother
?"
Everything that happened in the next few seconds seemed like a bad
John Travolta
movie. The door flew open and there stood at least a dozen
SWAT Team
cops
, in full
body armor
, AK-47's in each pair of hands, pointed
right at
Deck. The little fat one in front said,
"Get your goddamned motherfucking ass on the ground now, you lowlife piece of shit!"
Deck assumed the position and just hoped lke hell they didn't stick a
broom
handle up his joy hole. The fat one and two others dragged him into the house. "So, you got something for me, have you, Punk?" the fat one screamed in Deck's face.
"Well, if you'll just move your little piggy snout about two hamhocks south, you'll find what I got for you, turdknocker." The first blow with the
nightstick
didn't really hurt as badly as Deck would have imagined. But when the second one caught him right in the
gonads
, he began to pay some serious attention. "OK. OK. What is it you folks need?"
They dragged Deck over to a chair just in front of the picture window. One portly pig put the
plunger
down beside his chair. Deck was not really looking for a
prostate exam
that
night, so he decided to
play ball
, or at least
pretend
to. They put the bright lights on him and started to ask questions about the book. He told the pigs he didn't have it with him. They searched him (body cavity style) and, just about the time Deck's boner subsided, they figured out he was telling the truth.
It was just then that they all heard a horrible noise coming from just down the street. All the cops and Deck looked around, and here was a 1950 lemon yellow ragtop
Studebaker
Champion convertible screaming around the corner, doing about 75 miles per hour. All they could do was look. When the car got closer, Deck recognized a
face
he'd seen so many times before.
Seedy Petey Wilson had a
crack pipe
in one hand and a
9mm
pistol in the other. He was driving with his knees. He had a look on his face that said, "
I'm getting married today!
"
When the car hit the
picture window
, the whole SWAT Team was pretty much
done for
. The little fat bastard was
wounded
but still
conscious
. Deck, who had known what was coming down and jumped clear of the damage, pulled himself off of the floor and put his knee in the neck of the mini-pig and said, "OK, now tell me what the fuck is going on here."
Back
. . . / . . .
Forward
The Kim Li Diaries: Chapter Twelve
The Kim Li Diaries: Chapter Ten
The Kim Li Diaries
iBook
The Kim Li Diaries: Chapter Nineteen
The Kim Li Diaries: Chapter Five
The Nome King
Always the bridesmaid and never the bride