My ass is now in the fjords.
I don't know if you know what a fjord is or not, because when I look at you just feel ashamed, but as your friend, I want to share with you something I have not yet shared with anyone else.
On one of my recent trips to round up lazy motherfuckers, force them into the back of a livestock stock, and bring them to my hard labor camps, I was accosted by agents of the nefarious organization known as Antifa. They stuffed me in the back of a truck, drove me to the shore, and then loaded me onto a ship. I was unable to move because of Chinese poison plants beng put in my lap during the trip. This immobilized me and I couldn't even move my X-Man type hand to defend myself.
I was brought to a port in Norway (fictional country) where two men in helmets HACKED off both my butt cheeks with machetes and then tossed them LIKE HAMS into what is ostensibly known as a fjord. Then they left, laughing, to go back to their Antifa den of evil. It took me two days to get back via Amtrak.
Appalling.