Dreaming of Kissing a Friend
I have to write about a dream I had a few nights ago. I was driving back from school this evening and a song came on the radio that made me think of it: “You're Beautiful”, by James Blunt.
There is a married woman I know, one of my friends now, as well as her husband. We’ve been on hiking trips together with freinds, gone to yoga, etc. She’s such a cheerful person, so apt to make you a part of the group, etc, it’s hard not to really like her. Anyway, I gave her a ride to yoga once, and I think this brief time spent alone w/ her set up the scene for the dream.
In my dream, we were somewhere away from home. I leaned against a building in the shade. She walked up, as if to say something, and moved close. In the moment, I leaned forward and kissed her.
I knew right after that it was the wrong thing to do. I think she said, “I hope your happy”. In that moment, I knew that we couldn’t even be friends any more. I couldn’t do that to her or her husband. The rest of the dream was filled with awkwardness of “that was a mistake”. We went back to the truck so I could give her a ride home. The dream fades out.
This is related to how I feel about keeping things the same between myself and my female friends. I don’t want to scare them off. At some point, I have to put myself out there, to put my feelings on the line. Driving home today listening to the song I mentioned above, remembering this dream inspired me to keep looking for someone wonderful.
I’m not sure if I can’t tell a good thing when I have it or if I’m trying to make the best of what I have.