After moving on from my older indistinguishable sense of fashion, having started out with a strange mixture of grunge-metal jeans and t-shirts, then pretty-boy clothes followed by a tinge of hippiness accompanied by my ever-changing hairstyles (long, buzz, spikey, greasy, combed to on side, then middle) I have finally settled my mind on the trench coat as being the coolest accessory in history.

Not only the Corvette of coats, the trench coat also includes a variety snappy punch lines perfect for those trenchy occasions. Impress your friends with a solemn glance and state as-a-matter-of-fact that "there can be only one". Astonish colleagues by throwing a few ninjitsu punches and asking if they want the "blue pill or the red pill".

I currently have a grey, almost nazi-looking trench coat which hangs just below my knees and although the ankle length black leather Matrix coats are definitely the coolest of the crop, I am particularly pleased with my current trench-ness. To my dismay though, upon inquiring, opinions are sundry, more often than not I am told I look like a flasher who preys on little girls. Certainly, after saving enough money to acquire an even cooler coat, I will become irresistable to even the most out-of-my-league women.