I remember reading the true story of the Clintons in the lending library of the Straight White Men's Cultural Center of Baltimore some time ago. I was particularly interested in the part where Bill and Hillary line up interns every evening to choose them for sex and how degrading that was for the interns. Bill would finger the ladies and tell them, "Nice and tight" or "What's going on down HERE?" Such a turn on.
Well, there was a setback. As the hairless ass weasel was tunneling through the mountain, the Dutch boys and friend Behr (who is me) were arrested and taken to a police station in Munich. There we were questioned and they asked if I needed medical attention for my severely blackened and distended belly. This was an odd offer, since I am being charged in the murders of seven doctors at a Munich hospital. I am completely innocent of these charges and there is no evidence to the contrary. Regardless, I gave them the card that my friend Angela gave me. After thirty seconds on the phone with her, they released the Dutch boys and me. She obviously is who I suspected she was, the Fuhrer's wife and the whole thing with the children was a trick to get the Dutch to think they were going to destroy me when they were really going to unite me with the Fuhrer. There is some kind of poetic justice in this as she is getting them back for resisting when we rightfully took over their country some time ago. Serves them right.
So, I am now back at base camp playing chess with the fat kid while the hairless ass weasel and the wimpy kid have some surreal kind of conversation that I have trouble following because I am more higher intelligence than them. I got my smarts the hard way, in a special government school in Germany during the 1930s and 1940s where animals were shoved up my bum. Lessons were learned and learned well, so smart is Behr. You have a smart friend. For I am your friend and you are thou friendest friend that friend can be. Loyalty. Means a lot.
How are things going back home? Did President Trump get the wall we need desperately built yet or is construction just begun? Really looking forward to seeing that. I have a great love for walls. As you know, I grew up in a house attached to the Berlin Wall on the side you aren't thinking about right now because of me saying that (it puts a mental image in your mind). You can handle it. Further information will not be given. I live by a code. It is unbreakable because of the nature of the container it is in. I am opposed to "child-safe lids" on medications. If your kid is stupid enough to take a bunch of pills like that then fuck 'em. Death will teach them life's final lesson. No tolerance for mistakes will be America's policy in the 2030s and beyond. Get ready, liberal fucktards.
It seems the closer I get to uniting with the Fuhrer, the more my mind tends to get excitable. I think I am going through some life changes.
Let me tell you about the America I want to live in. Imagine a place where you work in a businessman office helping salespeople make sales (ONLY type of business allowed in America - sales which is my strong point, also people skills). Imagine someone in your office puts something in the wrong file (I intend to bring back filing cabinets and PUT THEM WHERE THEY BELONG IN OFFICES). The boss comes out with a screwdriver, as is his duty and right in Great America, shoves it into the mistake making employee's eye, moves it around in there, pokes at the brain and vital organs like the cerebellum and the liver, pushes him on the floor and starts kicking him all while the other employees watch and learn something important. That is the kind of America I want to live in and strive to create. Thy will be done.
There used to be this guy named Mel Brooks around that made movies and also a lady named Linda or Lynn or something. Shame they aren't around any longer, you know? They'll be missed.
Because it may take weeks for the hairless ass weasel to tunnel all the way up to the house, I have decided to teach at the University of Munich as a visting professor. Since I have spent years as a fully tenured professor of ethics back home in America, they jumped at the opportunity. Because I speak fluent German (I am native to the Fatherland) this is a perfect fit. I begin teaching on Monday. Very excited to have a new group of young and impressionable people under my thumb. They will be learning many valuable ethical lessons from me and my vast knowledge of things that a fully tenured professor of ethics knows.
It is good.
My friends.