If you ever want to escape the stifling agony of modern life, go fishing.
You don't need tracking devices or compasses to fish. All you need are things that are sharp, things that extend your reach, and/or things that fish like to eat. Poles, lines, hooks, bait. If you are very lazy, even using tools isn't necessary. But you will need all kinds of patience.
There are murals in ancient Egyptian tombs of people fishing — with poles, line, and hooks. Today, we don't need to fish. We can hit up the grocery store, or, if we're feeling socially responsible, the natural foods co-op. We can spend our lives without pulling something ourselves out of the water. In people, muscles aren't the only things that atrophy. Doing things like fishing and getting muddy are preventative measures.
As a preteen, I spent several minutes perched on rocks struggling with a fish that revealed itself to be the size of my index finger. It was very funny; everybody laughed.
I was weak, as a child.
But of all the ways to pull food out of the water, fishing is most difficult and least efficient.
If you're just looking to fill your stomach, the best way to do that is to gather shellfish. Mussels aren't terribly cunning. But if you're near waters that contain few mollusks or want to experience something with more pith, fishing is the way to go.
Fishing supplies are a milti-million dollar industry for a reason: fish are tricky. Even if you don't want astronomically expensive rods or deep-sea fishing line, you can expect to spend a fair amount. Think: you need a fishing rod, line, hooks, sinkers, bait. That's bare minimum, unless you plan to go caveman. You might also consider investing in lures and nets, and a boat (or money for boat rental), if you want to venture outside the non-challenge of wave or pier fishing.
Rod
Yanking fish out of the water with your bare hands will be covered later. I'm assuming it's a last resort. Meanwhile, tools.
First, your rod. We have come a long way since wooden fishing poles. Most rods today are made of either graphite (like the writing-end of a pencil) or fiberglass, which allow for lighter weight, greater strength, and more flexibility than, say, Douglas Fir. There are composite rods, blends of both graphite and fiberglass, which exploit the benefits of each, but they tend to be more expensive. And we're trying to keep a hefty wallet.
If you're new to fishing, you're likely to be overwhelmed with the right-out-of-the-gate complexity of choosing a fishing rod. You will be considering things like materials, rod guides, action, modulus ratings, and power. Even though you won't be concerning yourself with much of this nuance unless you're an avid sport fisherman (and I use the word 'sport' here tremendously loosely), you still want to make a vaguely informed decision when you walk into your fishing supply place, or, if you really don't care, your local Wal-Mart.
Now, first thing is: graphite or fiberglass. And it does matter.
Graphite is for the passionate fisherman. It is light, flexible, sensitive, and expensive. Fiberglass is for the weekend fisherman. It is heavy, stiff, durable, and cheap. Ever sat on fiberglass bleachers, or used a fiberglass ladder?
If you're using a graphite rod, you will feel it every time something pulls on your line. You will feel it when your hook moves through weeds. The phrase "modulus rating" applies to graphite rods, and describes the hardness and density of their individual graphite fibers. Graphite rods with high modulus ratings are effectively made of fewer fibers, which makes them lighter and more sensitive, but also more brittle. They're a good choice if you plan to fish for extended periods, or to catch smaller fish.
Fiberglass rods are not a new invention. They are rough-and-tumble; they transmit little motion; they are heavy. Kids use fiberglass rods because kids are rough with things and fiberglass rods are almost indestructible. You use fiberglass rods when you don't need to feel anything short of a scaled muscle with fins sticking out everywhere paddling off full steam with your precious bait. You use fiberglass rods when you are not all that serious because they are cheap. Like graphite, fiberglass can be gauged with the modulus rating — but, because fiberglass fibers simply tend to have different dimensions, its ratings tend to be much lower than those of its counterpart.
Regardless of whether you go for a composite, fiberglass or graphite rod, you'll want to ensure that your guides — the eyelets along the length of the rod through which you pass your line — are of a hard ceramic rather than stark metal, which will reduce friction on what is essentially a plastic-based length of string. Another exhibit in favor of ceramic guides is that many fishing lines today are woven into tiny braids, which over time will grind into metal, eventually cutting through completely.
I mentioned 'action' earlier. Action is a jargoned way of signifying how flexible a rod is. You've got fast action, medium action, and slow action. Fast action rods are very inflexible. In fact, the only place they'll actually bend is at the tip. You use fast action when targeting large game fish, or trolling around in heavy weed cover, where you need to yank yonder fish up and out, hard. Medium action rods bend for about half of their length, and are versatile, applicable to both large and small fish. Now, slow actions will bend almost the whole way throughout — these are the guys that always look frighteningly close to snapping. You use these for small fish, fish you can fit into a pan.
'Power' refers to, well, strength. Like action, it corresponds with the size of fish you're looking to catch. But it's measured more accurately by the size of your lure and the weight of your line, both of which correspond to, intuitively, the size of fish you're looking to catch.
Power ranges between ultra light and ultra heavy. Ultra light is ideal for things like smelt, and some heavier plankton. This corresponds to line test weight (more on that shortly) of one to four pounds. Meanwhile, ultra heavy is what Santiago might have cut his hands with fighting his marlin, corresponding to 25-pound test line and above.
Hook, Line, and Sinker
Because you have to attach things to the rod to catch fish.
Once, fishing line was made of cotton that had to be dried after each use to prevent molding. Today we've got nylon and other lovely things that are much stronger and don't absorb water. But we have found countless ways of producing, basically, string — we have monofilaments, we have braids, we have gel-spun polyethylene. We have different thicknesses and textures for different fishing and casting situations. Fishermen are serious about their line.
Most fishermen are best-acquainted with monofilament fishing line. One filament. A simple, solid, very long strand of plastic string. While there are better types of line for certain applications, monofilament is the most versatile and common. It's somewhat elastic, which over repeated uses can be a bad thing, but it it gives you a few precious extra seconds to react when you feel something tugging before something breaks.
Monofilament is available in a few different colors. Most fish are able to discern possible chains of effect: if they see that a prospective meal is attached to a mysterious length of string leading out of the water, they are not touching it. Select line with a color closest to that of the underwater ambience of your fishing spot. It goes without saying that thicker line is more visible.
Superbraid line is a fairly new innovation. It's, well, braided. It transmits more motion than plain monofilament line. It's also more flexible, which is good for casting. Similarly, dacron-braided line — a slightly older cousin of superbraid — is good for fishing deep waters or heavy vegetation.
If you're deep-sea fishing, or angling in waters with strong currents, you'll want to consider wire line. It's strong, and very heavy. It won't snap with current, and it's massive enough to stay put in very deep water. But it kinks, a lot. Be careful when casting it out and reeling it back in.
Now, hooks.
Hooks are an old invention. We used to make them out of bone. Today, we make them of plated and galvanized metal. We also make them into many different shapes, corresponding to the mouths of various fish.
I assume, with great confidence, that you don't want me to list every shape of hook and expound on the nuances of each. So believe it or not then, there isn't much to say about hooks. You've got single hooks, double or two-sided hooks, and treble — three-sided — hooks. Use the single hooks, in various sizes, for small to medium fish; use the double and treble hooks for big 'uns. If you ever chance to experience the barb of a hook lodged in your subcutaneous tissue, cut the hook if you can and pull it out, and for Christ's sake push down so the barb doesn't tear you up on the way out. If it's deep enough to where the point is closer to actually emerging from another point on your skin, you might consider just pushing it through and snipping off the barb — you'll probably cause yourself less damage that way.
Sinkers were invented when fishermen realized they had to, you know, get bait underwater in order for it to work. Your typical sinker is a teardrop-shaped lump of lead with an eyelet at the point, through which you loop your line. There are sinkers like hinged spheres with a recess through the center that clip directly onto the hook. Sinkers come in all kinds of sizes, since gravity applies underwater as well as above. There are sinkers the size of aspirin, and there are sinkers the size of fists. There are also floaters, used in fly fishing, which keep the hook from descending beyond a certain threshold and alert you by bobbing when you've got a bite. Your average fisherman requires a fairly narrow range of sinkers — anywhere from an ounce up to a pound.
Bait
Bleeding hearts don't fish.
Your best, most versatile choice of bait is nightcrawlers. Sorry. But fish love worms.
Virtully any soil that keeps a habitable temperature and is soft enough to plow through is home to nightcrawlers. On any damp night, troll your lawn. They'll be squirming around like cilia. Tread lightly, and grab them as close to the ground as possible, for leverage. These things are little more than a digestive tract with a cluster of hearts attached, but they're quick. Your hands will get slimy, and you will get dirty and breathless. If activity really doesn't appeal to you, you can buy nightcrawlers in styrofoam containers. Keep them refrigerated.
Another popular choice of bait, especially among wave fishermen, is the sand crab. Little emerita, bubbles in the receding tide. By the time you've caught enough sand crabs for a day's fishing, the thought of sitting around with your line in the water will seem anticlimactic.
Get into the tides, where they're shallow. As the waves recede, you'll see bubbles in the sand — that's the mark of sand crabs burrowing feverishly, after having extended their feelers into the incoming surf for plankton. Now, you've got to be quick — if the sand has dried enough to have lost the gloss of moisture, your sand crab is long gone. Be there as soon as the water recedes, and plunge your fingers into the sand wherever you see bubbles. Scoop them out from underneath. Sand crabs and other small crayfish are good bait for larger fish, as are the innards of small prey fish navigating the water. If you really want to get specific, you can examine the stomach contents of your first catch for an idea of what most of the population is eating. If you're fishing calm, fresh water, take a look at the bits of detrius floating near the shore, especially things that look like they fell in from above — insects, for example. Any rotting logs or other similar habitats near your fishing spot are an excellent place to find grubs that local fish are sure to find appealing.
Now, if you really have an aversion to skewering little creatures on hooks, you can buy artificial lures and prepared bait at any fishing specialty store. Lures with frills that make them look like large, colorful insects require a bit of extra work: when they're in the water, they don't do much good unless you wiggle them around. For trout, you can buy paste that rolls into clumps. Alternatively, if you wallet is really light, a bit of baker's dough works nicely too. Colorful rubber lures with hooks hidden within are a nice option, but fish are smarter than you are probably giving them credit for. On an average fishing trip, a bright and shiny artificial lure will catch you maybe two fish — after that, it'll stay untouched.
(That boy Chase knows his shit — have a look at fishing lure for an actual explanation.)
But nightcrawlers. Trust me — nightcrawlers.
Actually doing stuff
Fishing involves a lot of sitting and waiting and contemplating, punctuated with extremely mild and brief moments of excitement. You will learn after one or two outings that actually catching fish is a largely secondary objective. Your primary goal is to like the water and be happy.
First on the very limited number of things which require proactivity is getting up early. You want to hit the water at four, five in the morning. That means being up before the sun. That means not being up until seven in the morning obsessing over XP. Don't think you can hit the hooks at eleven and catch anything. You day should be half over by then. The first time you do this, you will get two hours of sleep. Paradoxically, this will make you feel more alive.
Next comes baiting the hook. This is not easy. If you're using a nightcrawler, you want to run it through with the hook as many times as possible. It will squirm off otherwise. As for things like crayfish and sand crabs, you want to get the hook into a fleshy part of the tail, being sure the shell will catch the barb and hold the hook in place. If you think this is inordinately cruel, you shouldn't be endeavoring to pull animals out of the water by hooks lodged in their faces. If you're a proponent of catch and release, be sure to return your catch to the water with minimal stress to ensure it doesn't die from its injuries.
A major source of embarrassment for first-time fishermen is learning to cast the line. It isn't as easy as it looks. Having to remove your own hook from your lower back, or your ass, or your achilles' tendon, is a lesson in abject pain, and great humility.
First, you want to release a little of the line. You want your bait and your sinker to be hanging a good six inches from the tip of your rod. Lock the spool. Casting a line is similar to throwing a ball — you release at the center of the throw's arc. Tip your rod back over your shoulder (or alongside your waist, for bait-casting, or whatever), letting the bait and sinker settle into its momentum, and swing forward. Be fluid. You're not clubbing the fish to death; you are casting a line. But that's the easy part. The hard part is releasing the lock on your spool at precisely the right moment. Release it too soon, you've got a decent chance of getting a hook in your back; release it too late, you catapault your hook and sinker into the mud four feet in front of you. You will not do this correctly the first time, or the second time, or the fifth time. So be patient. And once you've managed a nice cast, reel the line in a little to eliminate slack.
If you're fly fishing, just drop the shit in the water and let it float out.
And then sit.
When you feel something jerking on your rod, or the tip is bobbing up and down, there is probably something picking at your bait. At this point, lift up and back, somewhat sharply. You are trying to get the hook embedded somewhere. Again, great violence is not required. Pull too hard, and you'll break your line and lose your bait and a perfectly good hook. A firm, quick tug up should suffice. Reel in a little. Wait. If you still feel tugging, you've probably got something hooked. Now comes the part where you fight with the fish. This is somewhat easier than taking on, say, a bear, but you will need a bit of skill. Your job at this point is to not break your line or give the fish enough quiet time to wiggle free. You keep pulling up, reeling in, pulling up, reeling in, and eventually your hook will slip out, your line will break, or you'll pull something out of the water.
After catching
Fish are cute, aren't they? With their big eyes and their little faces, and their tails.
They're also filled with pathogens and things that will lay eggs in your digestive tract and feast on the nutrients of your blood.
You will notice rather quickly that fish are covered in slime. Get it into your wounds sometime. It's really unpleasant. Same goes with getting punctured by bones or sharp fins. This is called fish poisoning, and it's bad. You get a lot of itching and discomfort, and a little blistering. If hot baths and generalized minor-wound maintenance doesn't stem an infection, it's time to see a doctor.
Cleaning fish is easy. Cut the belly from tail to jaw, pull the guts out, cut off the head, cut off the tail, cut off any miscellaneous fins. Pick the bones out if you want. When cleaning fish, you'll want to wear gloves to keep the slime from getting into unnoticed scratches in your hands. And when you're done, don't go grinding your knuckles into your eyes — there is such a thing as fisherman's conjunctivitis, which is worse than fish poisoning.
And don't eat fish rare. You'll get parasites.
Caveman methods for catching fish
Of course, rod and line aren't the only way to catch fish. Using a rod and line is actually a specific type of fishing called angling. If you really feel like roughing it, you can catch fish with spears, and even your bare hands.
I'm not going to lie — spearing is damn near impossible unless you're stabbing into a narrow stream glutted with big fish.
The best spears are made of bamboo. They're very light, and if carved correctly they can be extremely sharp. You want to spear in rivers, in places where fish spawn. Stand on a rock or other solid place overlooking the fish, making sure you don't cast a shadow over the water. Now, your biggest obstacle is the refraction of light in water. Light hits water, bends, bunches up into itself, and comes out at a different angle. Consequently, fish tend to look a little higher and further away than they actually are. Aim at the image, and you will miss every time. Aim a little low, a little further back, and spear, hard. Good luck.
You don't get any more unrefined than barehanded fishing. And it's actually about as simple as you probably think it is. All you need are your own clean hands, and some patience.
The best places to fish barehanded are in shallow streams with undercut banks, and in shallow pools. Again, make sure your hands are clean, and submerge them until they're near the temperature of the water. Feel your way around, very slowly, in crevaces and other places fish would get trapped, and when you feel something, very slowly work your hands around and grasp tightly near the gills.
It almost goes without saying: don't do this in the ocean.
See also: noodling
Many, many thanks to RACECAR for additional help.
Mikebert contributes the following tips:
- When spearfishing, dip the tip of the spear in the water to overcome the problem of light diffraction
- When cleaning your fish, take care not to attract dangerous wildlife
Sources
Personal experience
Tawrell, Paul. "Camping & Wilderness Survival: The Ultimate Outdoors Book." Tawrell: Ontario. 1996.
Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fishing_hook
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinker_(fishing)
About
http://fishing.about.com/library/weekly/aa112601a.htm
Fundamentals of Fishing
http://www.angelfire.com/ia3/fishing/howtocast.htm
Basspro
http://www.basspro.com/servlet/catalog.CFPag?mode=article&objectID=29385
Fishing Only
http://www.fishingonly.com/fishing-articles--tips/fishing tips--tricks/how-to-select-fishing-line-right-for-the-situation.html | 
