meth

It's not an "anti-drug" commercial... but it is a commercial against drugs. It is also the most awesomely funny commercial I've ever seen. Put out by the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign, it's called "Cleaner Girl." It goes as follows:

Sound: Female voice singing, complete with backup chorus. Resembles the old folger's coffee commercials.
Action: Female 20-something, cleaning the house with a toothbrush, pawing at her skin, having hallucinations and generally falling apart on screen. But.. you know.. in a funny way.

Lyrics:
Look at me, busy as a bee! Where'd I get all this energy?!
Whoah-oh-oh meth, mmmmm meth!
I don't sleep, and I don't eat. But I've got the cleanest house on the street!
Whoah-oh-oh meth, mmmmm meth!
Get these hairs all out of my face! Get these bugs all out of my place!
One more hit, no time to waste!
Whoah-oh-oh meth! MMMmmMmm Meth!

*note: I don't know any of the credits from the commercial, but the lyrics I have transcribed myself. You can find a copy of the commercial at http://www.mediacampaign.org/mg/television.html

METH is a character in the comic Doodle MaCZ, first introduced in page 8, volume 1 ("The Villians Surface!"). Although at first he and his cohort, Crystal, seem to be nothing more than simple doodle thieves who punk little kids and Tray for their money, it is later revealed that METH is actually a general working for Evil Inc. (the graham cracker factory). His true intentions are revealed during the Evil Inc. Tournament during Volume 2 -- to eat Oinks, Tray's Doodle MaC! ... That is some fucked up shit right there. METH fights against Tray with Cain (a high-level skeleton Doodle) but loses against an infuriated Tray's Cancerous Cyst, Zorbie.

Even though he meets his end in page 31 of volume 2 ("And So Forth..."), METH appears many times in a greater majority of the gaiden pages -- even starring in a parody of William Shakespeare's MacBeth, called (you guessed it) MacMeth. He is oftentimes seen doing things, like adventuring, alongside Tray and Petey in these side-stories, strangely.

Some fun-fun METH quotes for your ass.

• Crystal: "Wanna see the new attack I taught Rockie?"
  METH: "No, I want to have my life ended by my favorite mass murderer."
• "You killed Hitler! What'd he ever do to you?!"
• "Those are scrubZ; they're neither innocent nor people."

And, like several of the other characters, he has a theme song. METH sings it for the most part, but he also has some back-up (the stuff in parentheses; sort of like this writing).

I... am METH.
I punk little kids for their Doodle MaCZ
And when their fathers come to fight
(He just laughs)

Cause I'm METH!
Badass of evil
You'd best not fuck with me
'cause I'll just kill ya'

I've punked every scrub bitch
I've ever known
Made 'em stop their whinin' with...

Crystal: Hey METH! What'cha doing?!
METH: GODDAMNIT CRYSTAL! I'm trying to show off my eliteness!
Crystal: Alright! No reason to get pissy....

That's right!
I'll kick your ass,
And steal all your cash
Then I'll pimp your own mom
Because...
(He's METH! He's METH!
He'll kick your ass!)

Damn right!

Meth (?), n.

See Meathe.

[Obs.]

Chaucer.

 

© Webster 1913.