An English friend explained to me one day about his system for classifying his less enjoyable one night stands. I thought he was making it up, and therefore gave him too much credit for creativity and coolness - I later found out that 'his' terminology was widely known and used in England and possibly other countries as well.
"Right, it goes like this: One Bagger, Double Bagger, Stumper."
He waited eagerly for me to ask the inevitable questions.
"What does that mean?"
He leaned forward.
A One Bagger is a woman you have a one night stand with, who is so ugly that you have to put a paper bag over her head before you can have sex with her. (Note to gender-sensitive people: the person relating the story to me was male, so the examples here are female, but I don't see why it can't apply equally to either sex). A Double Bagger, he proceeded to tell me, is a woman so ugly that not only do you have to cover her head with a paper bag during the act of 'love', but you also need to put a paper bag over your own head so no one recognises you when you leave1.
Pause.
"What's a Stumper?"
"A stumper is when you have to gnaw your own arm off to get away."
According to Webster 1913, a stumper is:
- One who stumps. By this definition, the arm-chewer and not the poor girl causing the arm-chewing.
- A boastful person. I.e. the guy I was talking to about his sexual conquests.
- A puzzling or incredible story. Just like this one.
1. According to
some sources, the second bag is not for
disguise, but an extra
precaution in case the first bag should fall off during
intercourse.