Considered, but ultimately discarded mission drive statements:

-To masturbate as many kittens as possible
-Coating myself with red phosphorus and letting my bright light BURN BABY BURN
-Drill, baby, drill
-Make pottery unto honour, and especially dishonour
-Renovate old residence of Jefferson Davis, rename it "The Black House"
-Split chick peas, and chuck split peas
-Eulogize Michael Jackson in three words or less (Yin Yang Symbol)
-Start the re-reconquista (deconquista?)
-Freshen up a little
-Sell all my possessions and then travel through the head of a pin (at least that's my understanding)
-Bring world peace*
-Lovingly caress Henry Kissinger's ample jowls
-Void/no sale every transaction at work, pocket the $$$
-Build a bridge across Hudson Bay to finally connect the thriving metropoli of Inukjuak and Eskimo Point
-Pave over the Mediterranean Sea; let Africa join the EU
-Forcibly confine Joe Arpaio; savour the irony
-Get these damn skidmarks off my boxers
-Climb the world's seven shortest mountains (Florida here I come)
-Tear down all of Easter Island's statues; replace with busts of Hugo Chavez
-Debate with Zbigniew Brzezynskyj the proper pronunciation of his name
-And, slap as many Poles as I can find for gratuitous consonant use

*Offer only valid for N. America and Europe. Expires 20/12/12