Flying out of control, everything spinning,
I was losing my grip.
There was nothing to focus on.
There were too many things to focus on.
Trying to prioritize didn't help. Everything else immediately overwhelmed whatever task I tried to do. Just a week ago, I was at rest. In bed, trying to find a moment of peace. It didn't last.
It never does.
It was gone again. An unknown future rushed at me. I couldn't
get a handle on anything. I couldn't slow myself down.
Too much was happening.
I couldn't take it all in. I had to take it all in.I needed to survive. But it was hopeless. Everything was changing too fast.
I hit the surface. The shock stopped my breathing. But there was no rest.
Not even there.
I started to sink.
The world rose up around me. The surface receded upwards.
I couldn't breathe. The light was disappearing. My world was shattered.
Everything I had was gone.
I was
surrounded by nothing I recognized. I couldn't orient myself. Slowly I drifted to the bottom.
It was dark.
It was still. I could see the surface far above, lights flickering. So far out of reach.
I couldn't breathe. Yet I was there. Thinking in the dark.
Everything was lost. Everything but me.I still had myself. Maybe I didn't need oxygen. Maybe I didn't need my old home. Was that my new home? I didn't seem to have a choice in the matter. I would have to make that my new home.
I would have to get used to not breathing. I would have to get used to waves of light dancing far above me.
It wasn't something I ever wanted.
It wasn't even something I never wanted. It was something I'd never thought of. Yet there I was, wondering how I got there. How did I manage to get anywhere?