No officer, I had my eyes closed.
No officer, I like to use my intuition, so I'm never exactly sure.
No officer, I was getting head from your daughter, and I'm afraid I got a little distracted.
No officer, I left my medicationat home.
No officer, I do not have any drugs in the car.
No officer, I broke the speedometer a while ago.
No officer, I saw the number on the dashboard, and frankly, I didn't believe it either.
No officer, but those are lovely slacks that you're wearing.
No officer, but I bet I could improve.
No officer, my beer fell in my lap.
No officer, but I was hoping you would stop me, because I was curious.

Well, a common mistake I make is really not knowing how fast I've gone, because I just get in the habit of driving 'at a comfortable speed' too often. I say too often because a comfortable speed is fifty-five in most places for me. Unfortunately, there're a few nifty speed traps around where I live.

I've got three speeding tickets and I'm eighteen years old. I need to lay off the car driving for a while. In the meantime, here's my advice to myself and others like me.

• Watch the speedometer.
• Watch for speed limit signs, especially the ones that are hidden behind trees.
• Watch the speedometer.
• Make sure that you're going the correct speed limit.
• Whoa! Watch out for that guy on the bike!
• Watch the speedometer.
• See that speed limit sign? No? Neither did I!
• See that cop?
• Goddammit, not again.
• Watch the speedometer.

Good luck, and have fun out on those roads!