This node will serve, now and forever, as the definitive record of incidences up to year
2010 in which
Jennifer Aniston has kissed (or been kissed by) girls, onscreen, in a true
liplock subtexting
lesbianism (and so, not merely a
peck on the
cheek). For the record, we don't think that Jennifer Aniston is particularly the hottest girl on the block. If she and
Jay Leno had a
baby, it would be a
chin. But, who are we kidding, we'd still try to get to
first base with her -- like these ladies did....
Winona Ryder and Lisa Kudrow
No, not a
threesome; the first instance is a
twofer -- the
Friends episode, "The One with Rachel's Big Kiss,"
airdate April 26, 2001. Aniston's character, Rachel, is visited by her college sorority sister, Melissa (played by
Winona Ryder, who was once engaged to
Johnny Depp.... who was in
Benny & Joon with
William H. Macy, who was in
Murder in the First with....
Kevin Bacon!! But then, Aniston was in the stupendously forgettable
Picture Perfect with Bacon, so we really don't need to go through
the sixth degree to get there (although neither Depp nor Ryder have shared
silver screen time with Bacon).
But I
digress. In the episode, Melissa's visit stirs memories in Rachel of a passionate kiss the two once shared under cover of collegiate
inebriation. Rachel
brags to Phoebe (
Lisa Kudrow) of the smooch, as evidence of her wild youth, but Phoebe seems to dismiss the event, and worse yet, Melissa denies that it ever happened. Finally, Rachel's
frustration overtakes her, and she grabs Melissa and plants a lengthy pucker, shown from several angles. Melissa gasps with
delight, convinced that Rachel
loves her, and spills forth with how she has nursed the
memory of that kiss for all these years.
Rachel quickly backs off, insisting that she's just a good kisser, but meant no love. And poor Melissa plays it too late like, oh, she was just kidding, she doesn't
really think about that kiss all the time, and it's not like, whenever she
makes love to her
boyfriend, she pictures Rachel's face.
But did I say this was a twofer? Shrugging off the whole incident to Phoebe, Rachel is then surprised when Phoebe grabs her and plants a lingering kiss on her -- just to "see what all the
fuss is about."
Courtney Cox
Surprise, the
Courtney Cox kiss didn't even happen in a
Friends episode. Instead, it was dreamt up as a rating gimmick in the March 27, 2007
season finale of Cox's later series,
Dirt -- where Cox starred as gossip writer Lucy Spiller. Aniston guest starred as Spiller's one-time (okay, four-time) lesbian fling Tina Harrod (who happens to edit a competing rag, and may be gunning for Spiller's job). The episode was called
Ita Missa Est The kiss was actually a pretty dull affair (surely not the sizzler we all imagined in that
Friends episode ("The One With All The Haste") where Aniston and Cox kiss for a full minute -- off camera -- to win their
apartment back from the guy friends who had won it in a bet). The producers did their best to drag it on by having a male co-worker catch the event, camera whirling from his pleasant astoundment back to the
slow motion face-pressing, with fluffy-cloud music enveloping the scene. Ah, but to no great avail. The episode is actually more exciting later on when Spiller is stabbed by the crazed recently ex-girlfriend of her current
male love interest.
Rumors had Aniston coming back for a steamier second round later in the year (during the next season), but then there was a
writer's strike. And then the season was canceled. End of story.
Dagmara Dominczyk
Awwww shit, yo! Definitely the
sexiest kiss (and the only one not being played for outright laughs) comes in the 2001 movie
Rock Star, where Aniston plays the love interest to
Mark Wahlberg's shooting star rocker. Yes, we went out of time-order here, and yes, 2001 was a busy girl-kissing year for little Ms. Aniston.
In this one, she's dancing with her man to some sultry
rock 'n roll at a party (where everyone is either coked up or something like it). Suddenly
Dagmara Dominczyk, in a
cameo, slithers into the picture with
snakelike
slinkiness, and puts a tender, open-mouth lip-lock on Aniston. No words are exchanged between them; they kiss as
strangers, silently, and then Dominczyk saunters away, just as silently and slinkily. Aniston is left giving a bewildered look to an obviously aesthetically appreciative Wahlberg.
Conclusions
Naturally, these collected kisses are
packaged together in a single convenient YouTube vid, act now for free delivery.
Opinions may vary (and
everybody's got one), but we think that Winona Ryder was the hottest girl to be kissed by Aniston. Sure, Dominczyk is a
supermodel and all that
bullshit, but as much as she
slutted it up in that smooch, she just wasn't working the genuine hotness and joy of pent-up lust for a lesbian life that Ryder pulled off with stunning ability in her oh-too-short moment of girl-on-girl mouth-to-mouth bliss.
But, naturally, the kiss we'd
really like to see is between Aniston and
Angelina Jolie -- just to bury the
hatchet, you know. Or between Ryder and Jolie. That would be good too.