i'm so confused again. i was so happy about
being single. i was single by choice for the first time ... ever. i even had a fellow who wanted me that i didn't want to
prove it. but what the hell does that say? i can hold him up for
show and pretend that i'm happy? what kind of
bullshit is that?
ok so i am happy to be single. it's a good thing. but i stopped very suddenly today. literally, i stopped. i stopped
everything. the semester was over. my application was in. i'm done. ... so now what? now i sleep and sleep and
sleep. because i can't think of anything better to do. and i wonder if i might have a slightly better time in someone's arms. i miss it a little.
i miss him. i miss the other him too. i wonder what could have happened. i wonder if there's another him out there somewhere too. and i am so hideously tired of
one night stands. i love them. one night stands are fantastic. but doesn't it get old?
what do you do with sex?
i watched a really nice little
romantic comedy with
ed norton (I LOVE ED NORTON) who reminds me a little of someone i know and now i wonder what could have happened with him if he lived anywhere near here.
i hate being so fucking useless!!!
and i don't know what to do with being so fucking happy and
so fucking sad.
i spent the evening with a good friend of mine, and i haven't been lacking for
company. but i haven't honestly
connected with somebody in a real way since i met him a few weeks ago, or since i said
goodbye to
him a long time ago before a long drive home.
so i'm left here again
daydreaming and writing like shit and wishing i could do something about all the ways i want to
feel something and wanting somebody to talk to that i could love and thinking about goddam
ed norton of all people because he's my new
celebrity crush and damn i need something to feel about to make this all feel a little less sad.
so how
sad is that?
i miss. i don't know what. but i miss it very very much.
sigh.