I dragged my
flu-ridden ass to the all-night grocery store last night to pick up a
thermometer. I was
delirious and probably should not have been driving, but I was a little concerned by the amount of heat baking off my body. The meat thermometer I had been using to take my
temperature had rolled past
103 degrees like it was nothing.
It was below freezing outside,
snowing and very windy. I trotted toward the store, hands in pockets, teeth
chattering loudly, feeling like I could cook steak on my chest. The first thing I noticed when I walked in the grocery store was the
mixture of smells. There's something about being sick and smelling food that just isn't right. There was a horrible overpowering smell of
onions everywhere.
I managed to gather up the items that I needed, breathing through my mouth and willing myself not to pass out. I got to the checkout lane and had been standing there for a few minutes when this man walks up beside me and says, "You think I could just get this
pack of smokes"?
I turn slowly to look at him. He's holding a pack of
Newports. I turn back and look at my meager purchases, a BD Oral Digital Thermometer, a can of
Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup and a 64oz jug of Ruby Red
Grapefruit juice. How long can it possibly take to ring that up? I say, "Sure, whatever" and let him through. I am visibly swaying on my feet now. The world is getting
gray around the edges. Mercifully, I make it back to my car without passing out and manage to drive home without incident.
I get all the way home only to find that I have purchased a
defective thermometer.