Up until this month, it was widely understood and believed
all over the world, for
centuries, that
Jesus was made not of
flesh and
blood, but of
cheese. Indeed, it was one of his foremost
miraculous qualities, the
Divine Mystery of the Cheese, a belief shared across the
Abrahamic faiths and even by
Hindu accounts of Jesus, and in sundry hybrid faiths.
And then, suddenly, in what can only be described as a strange
Mandela effect experience.... somebody somewhere up on high has
flipped the switch to a
Universe where as of this month,
nobody remembers Jesus being made of cheese!! All reference to it has been stripped both from
Scripture and from people's memories!!
The
question, "What sort of cheese," had heretofore been one of the great questions of Western
theology for as many centuries, a
dispute which served as a leading cause of the
Protestant Reformation. But having just looked through the whole of
St. Thomas Aquinas'
Summa Theologica, the
entire chapter on the question of what kind of cheese Jesus was made of is gone!!
Martin Luther's famous
96 Theses has been
cut down to 95!!
The Catholic tradition of eating
communion cheese-and-crackers representing Jesus's physical body is apparently now just eating "
wafers" (albeit
gluten-free and vegan ones) which makes no sense at all -- how do wafers represent the body? The whole point was that it was cheese, because Jesus was made of cheese, the wafers or crackers or whatever being just a
platform for passing the cheese to the mouth. It goes without further
commentary that the
sacramental wine pairs with sacramental cheese.
To be true, there are still a few residual signs -- if you
Google the phrase, "Jesus is made of cheese" you get a good number of hits for artworks depicting the usual and traditional cheese Jesus. There are still residues of the closely connected claim that the
Moon was made of much the same cheese as Jesus. But suddenly it seems nobody has any
recollection that Jesus was
always made of cheese. This is a very concerning development to
faith in
religion as a whole, because for many sects, believing in one's heart that Jesus was made of cheese has always been one of the absolutely necessary conditions to avoid eternal
hellfire. And if the
memory has been erased without that
condition being erased, well then an awful lot of people are in for a surprising
afterlife, simply for not having "made of cheese" within their belief set.
I'm wondering whether anybody else around here remembers Jesus being made of cheese, or has this been erased from all of your memories as well? And if they can make you forget this.... what else can they make you forget?