Coffee and Klingons
I shall not describe gestures or moods in much detail, as the performers' own interpretation will no doubt give better results than mine. The play is no triumph of subtlety, so this spares us from having "HAM IT UP" on everything.
(Scene: A stage, either bare or with a few props of obvious prophood. Three CHARACTERS, whom we shall title LISA, MALCOLM and JOSEPH for our convenience, enter, chatting.)
Joseph: ...so what bugs me about Matrix knock-offs is--
(The characters turn and see the audience, freak out.)
All: AAA!
Malcolm: People!
Lisa: (Speaking partially over MALCOLM for some semblance of credibility) Stage! This is a play!
Joseph: Weird. So how do we go back? I have to pick up the kids.
Malcolm: Go back to where? That isn't the coffee shop we just came from, that's backstage!
(The kind of moment where heavy things sink in.)
Joseph: My God...
Lisa: Hold on. If we weren't anywhere then when the play ends and this body, this actor goes offstage and
comes back playing a Klingon* or something then what's gonna happen to me?
(Beat)
Malcolm: What if they don't come back?
(MALCOLM throws a furious punch at JOSEPH's chin, missing by several inches; JOSEPH crumples to the ground in an overtly theatrical fashion.)
Joseph: OW! AARGH!**
Malcolm: Dammit, just a stage punch. (Cups hands around mouth, shouts at JOSEPH) I know you're in there!
Lisa: Guys, enough drama! Look at us - no costumes, no background, we're in a vignette or something.
Joseph: (Gathering himself up) Waiting for Godot had just a couple of things.
Malcolm: Does this look like high art to you? So the script is short... but it still needs something to end on. (Shouts) Nobody act!
(The three stand absolutely still, their heads hanged, for a couple of seconds. Lisa's return to motion shocks the other two like the better kind of cattle prod.)
Lisa: But stillness is a stopping point!
Joseph: Okay, okay, uh, I don't like this more than you do, but if we're stuck here, why don't we put on a good play? You know, make the best of what we do have when this kind of mutiny just ruins it?
(MALCOLM and LISA stare at JOSEPH like he had just vomited up the Sun King... sorry, not good with metaphors.)
Malcolm: ...You just told a moral, didn't you? A bog-standard feelgood wretch of--
(Lights cut to black.)
All: AAAGH!
*: If feasible, replacing references to Klingons with references to whatever the actress is going to play next would be most awesome.
**: Or some other expression of pain. This is just hanging a lampshade, here.
Thanks to jjen, unless you did not like this play, in which case she had nothing to do with it.
Quick user poll: Keep this title or change it to "Deep" or "Doubtlessly profound" for such meta silliness?