Or, how Hazelnut learned to wash his hands before using the toilet.
The Carolina Reaper was the world's hottest chilli pepper from 2014 until, well, very recently actually. Created as a hybrid of a Naga Jolokia and some fiendishly hot habanero variant by a bloke called Ed. It was first developed in South Carolina and it has a thin, pointy tail on it shaped like a scythe or a sickle, hence the name. It is around 1.6 million Scoville units. It is, like most super duper hot peppers, a cultivar of Capsicum chinense. When ripe, it is usually fire engine red like a Scotch Bonnet, but wrinkly like a Naga Jolokia, though the wrinkles are less fine and more craggy, like Richard Nixon in his extreme old age. The skin is quite thin and friable.
Needless to say, when in 2017 I was living just down the road from the South Devon Chilli Farm, and I learned that they grew them there, I precipitated myself upon their farm shop and bought a bag of five. I had them earmarked for various culinary experiments because I believed, and still believe, that in the words of a very wise man, "it don't belong in our bowls if it won't burn both your holes." I remember getting one onto a nice wooden chopping board and photographing it and putting that photo on Faceache and asking how much people would pay me to rub its innards on my bellend. Probably for my own sake, nobody responded to this. I remember I thought, right, time for some duck madras but fired up with this stuff. Cut up the onions, then cut up the Carolina Reaper and put it in second so the capsaicin percolates through the oil all nicely and evenly. Then cut up the other things, all while sipping at some local beer. Got it all in the pan and the rice weighed out, brought it to the boil, then put it to simmer. I then had the urge to go and visit the thunder box. Fair enough.
Well, you know what happened next don't you. I got my blue veined custard chucker out of my pants and just before the sump started to drain, it feels like someone's holding a blowtorch to my helmet. Yes, the chilli residue from the Carolina Reaper was still on my hands despite having handled many other things since. It really was extremely persistent, and trying to wipe it off just spread the heat around. Now normally I would soak the affected body part in oil or milk but my urge not to ransack my dignity further by prodding my percy into a bottle of semi skimmed was greater than my urge not to have chilli willy. So, I just toughed it out. I tell you, that was an uncomfortable half an hour.
The supercharged Carolina Reaper powered duck curry was top drawer though. Just one gave me the heat of two Naga Jolokias near enough, and was citrusy enough to be noticeable over and above everything else. However I did also try to nibble on one on its own. It was citrus tasting for about five seconds then made me want to run outside and leap up and down to try to shake it loose.
In 2023 it was dethroned by an even hotter pepper from the same guy who created the Carolina Reaper. Pepper X, as he calls it, is 2.3 million Scoville units and looks just plain evil. It looks like something Nurgle would grow in his garden with the wrinkles and pustule-like sacs. The fact it's also pus yellow to orange doesn't attract it. I wonder if there's anyone near me who's growing them.
(IRON NODER 2023 #10)