Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Pat Buchanan
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Dr. Seuss
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King Jr.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan
What chicken?

Jerry Falwell
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's what "they" call it the "other side."
Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that.

Ken Starr
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest
elected official has been trying to cover up.
As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law.
For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation.
Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

Captain James T. Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

Freud
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

Einstein
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?

Louis Farrakhan
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

The Bible
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road."
And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders
I missed one?

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see a man lay bricks! HAW HAW HAW HAW!

Okay, here's another one. Why did the duck cross the road? 'Cause the chicken was on vacation! HAW HAW HAW HAW!

Okay, here's one I made up when I was just five years old. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the elephant had all the hamburgers!

Hey, I said I was five, didn't I?

An old email fwd: that used to run around the Internet:

OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Win 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like .chicken.

Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ...

C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.

VB Chicken: USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)

Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)

Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.

Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket !

Cray/SGI Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.

Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your course.

Lotus Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do !

Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.

COBOL Chicken:
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
   IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
      PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
      VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
   ELSE
      GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

BeOS Chicken: Multiple chickens can cross faster than a single chicken can from another coop. (Except the Cray/SGI chicken, of course;-)...)

Mac OS X Chicken: Keeps trying to cross the road, but continues to run back to the original side. Maybe it will cross sometime next year.

Linux Chicken: Checks the schematics of the highway before crossing the road.

The age old question posed to a number of scientific scholars, past and present...

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.

Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the other ... er, um ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sir Issac Newton: The Laws of Chickens
1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
2) It was pushed on the road.
3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.
4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Political answers to the question that plagues us all: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Vice President Al Gore
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

Governor George W. Bush
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

Senator Leiberman
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.

Secretary Cheney
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

Ralph Nader
Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.

Pat Buchanan
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.