Once upon a time, at the
eastern fringes of the Everythumbria's
sprawling black pine forests, where
sentient trees are locked in a epic (and evenly matched) battle with the
woodcutters, there lived another princess. A very beautiful princess. She thought her
nose looked kind of
funny, and that her
thighs were a little too
rubenesque, and maybe if she got her
hair cut it would make her look more
sophisticated, but she was dead wrong about these things. She was in fact a very beautiful princes exactly the way she was. Many
princes courted her, but they really didn't do it for her. Yes,
technically, they were princes, but not the kind that rode about on
white horses or slew
dragons. Mostly these were
bland young aristocrats who were more interested in talking about
huge tracts of land, their
trust funds, and court
intrigue. How
romantic.
Not. So, during one
royal ball, she quietly slipped away and went for a walk among the towering black pines. When she was a
little girl, she used to
disappear into the forest with a nice
thick book. She would sit under the sweeping black limbs of an
exceptionally
tall and old
pine that overlooked a
lilly pad.
Oh oh. Heeere we go...
She
nicknamed the pine Firgenpoogle. She still went there when she needed to be
alone and
think for a while. The pine was so old and
wise that it had learned to talk. Being a pine, even an old and wise one, it didn't have much to say, though. Mostly stuff like "sure is
quiet out here,
huh?" and "those
squirrels sure are funny, huh?". The princess learned not to bother having
conversations with the pine.
"A bird just
pooped on me." sighed the pine.
"
Yup" said the princess noncommitally.
She noticed some movement in the
vicinity of the lilly pad.
Ah, so few stories, so many ways to tell them...
It was a
heron taking off. "Caaaw" cried the heron.
Suddenly,
something plopped into her
lap. She looked down with a start, and what did she see but a
tree frog!
"Rrrribit! Ahem, pardon me
madam. That
fly didn't agree with me."
"You talk!" said the princess.
"Yeah, well. This is Everythumbria, and ever since the
peasants killed Dr. Genekenstein and dumped all his
magical potions into the Bendyback River, damn near
everything around here talks at least a little bit. Even
trees."
"Is it me, or does everything here smell
pine-fresh? Huh huh huh" said Firgenpoogle.
"So, do you have a name?"
"Yes, my name is Al. What's your name?"
"Fibian. Fibian the
amphibian, I guess." said the frog with a self-
deprecating smirk. "Al's a funny name for a
lady. Is it short for Alexandra?" he added.
"Actually, Altagracia. When I was a child, I couldn't
pronounce it, and most of everyone else can't either, so I go by Al. I kind of like it-- it's
unpretentious. Also, the court
butler is named Al, and I love him to pieces. He's like a
grandfather to me. It would have been much harder
growing up without him."
"So even princesses have
rough childhoods, I guess."
"You don't know the half of it. For one thing, my
grandparents on both sides died before I was born. My father was never
home, because he was out fighting in the
Senseless Wars. My mother was busy all the time, having to run the
kingdom all by herself. I was raised by servants."
"I know how tough that is. I've been through some of that myself. I
hatched with two hundred of my
brothers and
sisters in that lilly pad over yonder. I never met either my father or my mother. We all swam around dodging
snapping turtles and
fish until we grew legs and scrambled on over to the trees. Most of us never made it. The ones that did... we were so
close to each other! We had spent so much time
struggling to survive together, we could almost read each other's minds. We had all these
inside jokes, mostly
gallows humour, and none of the
tadpoles from the other
broods could understand them. And we couldn't understand theirs. We swore to
keep in touch,
get together now and then, and for the ones who make it in the
tree tops to help out the
less fortunate ones. You know what? We never did. Oh, we had a couple of
half-hearted reunions, but everything was different. We had
grown apart. Our wet,
slimy,
innocent idealism was gone, replaced by a slightly
moist protective layer of
adulthood. I never knew my first family, and lost touch with my second one. But I'm not complaining. I'm
healthy, I'm
successful, and I'm in the
prime of my life. The
world is my
dung beetle. But I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lay all that on you."
"On no, don't worry, I thought that was
fascinating."
"So, um, did your father... I mean, did you ever, um, get ot meet your father again?"
"Oh yeah, he survived and came home.
Physically, anyway."
"Physically?"
"He came home, with a
peg leg and a
hook for an arm. I was five when he left, and fourteen when he came back. He wasn't anything like I remembered him to be, and I was afraid to
hug him because of his hook arm. I mean, I did hug him, of course, but it felt totally
awkward and I'm sure he felt that too.
"He never said much. Mostly he sat by the
fireplace,
drinking, writing in his
journal, and
brooding. One day, I came home from
school, and he wasn't there anymore. His horse was gone from the
stable. His
armor, his
weapons, his
favourite books were all gone. I knocked on the door of my mother's
study, and she invited me in.
"She was sitting very
straight and
proper, not one wrinkle of her royal
mantle out of place. Her voice was low and
calm. Which probably meant that she had been in there
crying her eyes out all
afternoon. '
Daddy has decided to leave,
sweetheart. He asked me to tell you that he loves you very much. So much that he cannot bear to tell you
goodbye himself.'
"'Why did he leave?' I asked, in some kind of trance.
"'I don't know. I guess he just wasn't happy. He didn't want to be King of Everythumbria anymore.' She mused, her voice
quavering just a little.
"'He still loves us. M-maybe someday he'll come back.' She said and looked away."
"So, did he?" asked Fibian.
"Not so far." sighed the princess. "Not so far. And, you know what
the worst part is? Having to put on
appearances. The court,
the people... we had to be
strong and
regal for them. We had to be
bright and
perky, and put on
lavish balls, and go on as if nothing was wrong."
"Ugh. I'm glad I'm not
royalty."
The princess pointed to her nose and said "
Bing bing bing! Right you are."
So it went. The frog and the princess became friends, and
confidants. Like all princesses, she had heard all kinds of
crazy stories about frogs, and so of course she couldn't help
fantasizing about what would happen if she
kissed him. But how can you tell when a frog wants to
smooch?
"So, Fibian. Have you ever thought about
smooching?" she asked him one fine day.
"Well, I am after all a
male frog. I'd smooch anything
under the right circumstances, and you're quite
pretty for a
human. Especially when the
light falls
just so."
"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh don't be that way. I was just playing. You are in fact the most beautiful
creature of any
species that has every
graced this world with her
radiance."
"That's better" said the princess,
appeased. "So, back to the smooching
issue. Want to
try it, and
see what happens?"
"Alright. But if there's
anything that makes you
uncomfortable, or whatever, speak up, okay? We've been friends for a while now, so whatever issues suddenly come up, we'll work through them. Let's not get all
weird on each other,
deal?"
"Deal."
With a slightly
trembling hand, and more than a slightly
pounding heart, the princess picked up the frog and brought him close to her
lips. Up close, he was okay looking. He certainly had
pronounced features.
Clean shaven, as all frogs are by
nature, except the bearded frogs the Misty Marshes. Also, he had no hangups about making
eye contact, and his
gaze was
steady. This frog knew how to keep his
cool, and that's something Al liked in any man. She wondered what kind of
handsome prince he would turn into. Would it be a muscular, heroic, Sir
Henry Rollins type of prince? Or the
willowy,
elven Lord
David Bowie variety? Fibian blinked, expectantly. She gently let his cool froggy
snout press into her lips. She realized that a
fun thing about kissing someone so much
smaller than herself was that she had
full control over it. She could make it as quick or as
prolonged as she wanted. She parted her lips slightly and ran her
tongue over what lips he had. He in turn slipped his tongue into her mouth, and it was so long it made her
gag.
"Hey, wath ith!"
"Sthorryth." said the frog, and backed off with the tongue a bit.
So the kiss continued for a long, long time. The
sun had moved accross the
sky noticeably by the time their
mouths were so sore they couldn't continue any longer. Which is to say, they both enjoyed the kiss immensely, all the more because they were sure
somebody would
forbid them to do that sort of thing if only anybody knew.
Somehow in the process, the princess had taken leave of all her
clothing, which was lying at her feet in a big
heap. She also seemed to have lost
weight because the clothes were way too big to fit her now.
"Just what the
hell is going on, Fibian?!"
Fibian just stared a her,
speachless.
She blinked her
nictating membranes a few times and ran her
webbed fingers over her now smooth
scalp. "Oh god. No. Oh god oh god oh god. Please no." She hopped over to a rain
puddle beyond the reaches of the pine, and tilted her tiny
torso over to look at her
reflection. "I'm a... frog." she croaked.
"That's like saying the
Mona Lisa is
pretty picture, my love." said a deep,
manly voice behind her. "My dearest, you are the loveliest frog I have ever seen. You know how I said before how beautiful you were? Well, I was
lying to make you feel good, but now I mean it from the bottom of my
two chambered heart. You have such
perfect skin... such a
symmetrical arrangement of
spots. Your eyes... like two dark
amethysts set in your
malachite cranium. That gentle
curve of your lips. I didn't say it before for fear of sounding like a
fool, but I had a feeling about this. I had feeling that if I loved you enough... that I would find a
beautiful frog hiding inside that
big, awkward human. And now it came true! Our kiss
transformed you!"
"
Gee, thanks." she said.
"
My love, I see such a
future for us together... I am the luckiest amphibian in the world."
"Fibian, can you please now
leave me the fuck alone for a few minutes? I need some space, to figure out what the hell I'm going to do, okay?"
"Yes, sweetest. I'll be waiting for you with
fluttering membranes."
But before long, she got used to her
new life, and even came to
enjoy it. It was, after all,
heartwarming to be loved so much, even by a frog, who on second glance was a handsome frog. Definitely one who could
fertilize the
eggs of any she-frog he wanted, yet the only eggs he wanted were hers. That was just so
sweet, or rather biqual (biqual is the taste of a fresh bug, and the most
delicious sensation to a frog
palate). Besides, life among the pine bows was so much less
stressful than back at the
castle.
(RrrrRRibbit!) The End (RrrRRRrrribbbit!)
No story of mine is ever finished. No story on
Everything2 ever is. That's the point. Have something to add, remove change? A different ending? A different beginning or middle? That's what the writeup box is for.