For those who don't know or don't remember, E2 actually has Achievements to unlock. Unfortunately, many of those Achievements are no longer achievable by virtue of having been time-sensitive, by virtue of the associated usergroups being defunct, or by virtue of requiring you to be Nate.
I propose a resorting of the Achievements page into three headers:
Achievements you've collected. You have reached NUMBER out of a total of NUMBER attainable achievements.
Achievements you've yet to earn. Go get 'em!
These achievements are no longer available without the use of a time machine. Shucks!
That way the ones that are unavailable due to having occurred in 2008 or whatnot can be separated for us newbie plebs to admire without getting mixed in with the ones that can actually be gotten. This would also open the door to having future time-sensitive achievements. I also wonder if it would be possible for Cool Man Eddie to send a notification of the achievement, or if a notification could pop up in the side like experience points do.
And because I think way too much about this stuff, here's a bunch of suggestions for Achievements because why not.
Biographer: Write 100 daylogs that don't get nuked
Poet: Write 100 poems that don't get nuked
Researcher : Write 100 nonfiction write ups
Novelist: Write 100,000 words of fiction on E2 (OR write 100 fictional write ups. I don't know if a multiple-WU word counter is a thing).
Scholar: Have something published in an academic journal. (Credit to legbagede)
Professional Author: Have any work professionally published (whether it was hosted on E2 or not)
E2 Professional Author: Have a work that was previously hosted on E2 professionally published
Arsonist: Fireball 100 people
Chatterbox Egg Breaker: use 1000 Chatterbox egg commands
Titanium Noder: 100 Write ups in a month
Draft Hoarder: Have 100 drafts
Draft Master: Have 500 drafts
Nodeshell Savior: Rescue 50 Nodeshells
Nodeshell Neglector: Create 50 Nodeshells
Try Again: Have 10 writeups nuked
Pariah: Have 50 writeups nuked
Poster Child: Get on the front page of the site 5 times
Attention Hog: Have ONLY your write ups on the front page
Lunch: Get eaten by EDB
Cuddlebug; Get hugged by the Giant Teddy Bear
Trend Setter: Create a node that gets five+ writeups inside
Speedmaster: Maintain a high score on the noding speedometer for at least two months (that way Iron Noder doesn't cut it)
Halloween Haunt: participate in the Halloween Horrorquest
Source of Wit: Participate in a Brevity Quest
Patron of the Arts Support an E2 quest by putting up a real-world prize
Quest Master: Run an E2 Quest
If you have any suggestions for Achievement suggestions, feel free to /msg me and I'll add them.
My thanks to Rancid_Pickle and CultureAndOrCrisis for brainstorming with me.