• I'm going to have to ask you to leave
• Don't Sit Next to Me, Just Because I'm Gay
• Don't Sit Next to Me Just Because I'm Asian
• Help! I'm going to have sex
• No one asks me if I'm a Satanist or anything because I take the precaution of wearing a predominantly flannel and hawaiian shirt oriented wardrobe
• Break me. I'm elated.
• The cactus that told me my mom was asleep
• Just because I say Happy Hanukkah doesn't mean I'm Jewish
• The styrofoam packing peanuts are going to eat me!
• Someday soon, I'm going to save you from your life
• She told me I'd make a good Satan
• Just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you have a social life
• What the scroll in the cave told me
• if you are going to steal from me, at least steal something of value
• I'm going to love you like the undead woe their graves, crave the living.
• Dogs that have owned me
• The monster stares back at me. I'm still young enough to believe that, with the right shoes, I can outrun it.
• Lies My Teacher Told Me
• Don't assume that just because I'm promiscuous, all I want is sex
• because I have given up any care
• Good Luck, Have Fun
• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• Somebody told me a story. It was pretty but boring. It was Saturday night, my stories usually end up that way.
• Have you hugged a fat person today?
• E2 FAQ: Why Don't I Have Votes Today? (node_forward)
• I'm a celebrity... get me out of here!
• Point-Counterpoint: Just because I'm gay and you're a guy doesn't mean I want you
• I'm Going Slightly Mad
• If you're not going to worship me, get the fuck out of my bed
• Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned
• You just have to tell me these things, okay?
• Just because you both have the same problem does not mean you are one another's solution
• From now on, any ordinary knowledge is no longer going to satisfy you, I'm afraid
• This makes me ache. I have holes of aching.
• I'm Just Me (user)
• The stone that told me
• lies the cheesemonger told me
• Archived E2 FAQ: Why Don't I Have Votes Today? (document)
• I'm white, upper-middle-class in the richest country in the world-what need have I for God?
• I'm never watching the Today Show again
• Take me drunk, I'm home
• Have fun torturing your fellow man
• HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, OWNER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
• I told her I could read her mind, but she didn't believe me. I could tell.
• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy
• You should have killed me when you had the chance
• Don't touch me when I'm on a boat
• a tech support story that a friend told me that you might find amusing
• The annoying kid told me to kick him so I did
• I enjoy slacking. Does that mean I'm going to Hell?
• I'm Not Going to Lie to You
• I'm Going to Go Back There Someday
• Dreamy things people have said to me
• In response to you telling me I have the bluest eyes you've ever seen
• What have you done for me lately?
• I asked a friend to draw me, and I'm scared of what I'll see
• I'm not even supposed to BE here today!
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• Get Me Away from Here, I'm Dying
• Buying things just because they have cool packaging
• How to have fun in post-Civil War New York
• I'm going to do something stupid if I don't get laid
• Questions I have had today
• I have good reason to be thirsty today
• Looking like a pirate is fun but only having one eye annoys me
• I'm going to paint a number 7.
• I'm probably the best lover I'll ever have
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• I'm so toasty, you could spread jam on me
• Don't hate me because I'm evil
• I may not have had enough of me but I've had enough of you
• Things video games have taught me
• Someone takes care of me and I squirm like I'm caught in a lie
• I don't like her because she won't like me
• Because I want to. Because I'm good at it.
• oh God, i'm going to regret this one
• Women want me when I'm taken
• Tell me what God is like, cause I'm starting to forget
• Fuckin' Jesus told me to betray the conspiracy
• Stay there. I'm going to get my gun.
• To a Poet, who would have me Praise certain Bad Poets, Imitators of His and Mine
• I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me!
• Saddest thing a woman friend ever told me
• I lost a chance at $40,000 because my mommy wouldn't let me sell my stock
• boss i wish you had told me
• Have you told your parents you're gay?
• It's all I have to bring to-day
• Love me till your heart stops. Love me till I'm dead.
• This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you
• I'm Going Crazy
• I'm going to Disneyland
• I'm going to the moon
• I'm going to take five of those six exclamation points and drive them into the soft flesh under your fingernails
• Correct me if I'm wrong, and if I am, I'll eat a bug
• Don't rush me, I'm fragile
• To the three girls who stopped me today on my way to class
• I'm going to be a Dad
• One day, I'm going to get rid of it all
• How can I talk about love when the bacon is burned and the house is an absolute mess and the children are screaming their heads off and I'm going to miss my bus?
• I don't have a life; Everyone else wants to live my life for me
• What I'm trying to say is that I may have unconsciously plagiarized this
• Kiss Me, I'm Chris
• If you told me this never happened
• Shrug (Because of Me and You)
• When you move here we will have plenty of time to have fun together
• this is how i'm going to die.
• Screw UNIX, I'm just going to smoke pot and eat Cheetos for the rest of my life
• I'm sparkin like a match that's never going out
• What the dust told me
• I have built me a bean-stalk into your sky!
• Strangers have been, and continue to be, very kind to me. Thank you.
• You Burn Me Up I'm a Cigarette
• My brother never told me not to smoke. He showed me.
• Car commercials that won't let you have any fun
• When the aliens attack my workplace, I'm going to be so damn READY
• We're going to have to take Heidi home
• A letter to those who have impressed me
• Strange things homeless people have said to me
• I'm not religious, but I think I have a close relationship with God
• Could you have danced with me?
• I'm not in love, set me free
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• Gosh! That single kiss made me feel like I'm charged up with the power of a million exploding suns!
• Because to me that's suicide self-murder
• Girls Just Want to Have Fun
• If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you
• And the sad thing is, I know what's going to kill me
• You were never going to become more than this to me
• I don't like your reality, I'm going to make my own
• Things Musicals Have Taught Me
• Bitch! I told you to stop callin me! (user)
• Pity me not because the light of day
• Lady Evolution, why have you wronged me so?
• Oh, False One, You Have Deceived Me
• I'm waiting for what will make me stand still the rest of my life
• Touch me I'm sick
• Foolish man. You cannot turn me into a phantom because you are frightened.
• I'm going to be a programmer!
• I'm going to kill you
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• I have this mental image of God laughing at me.
• Don't get me wrong; I'm not a feminist
• I'm gonna be sad and then I want you to make me laugh
• Today I'm glad I work in a diner
• I'm a cynical bastard because I care so much, dammit
• Things Fairy Tales have taught me
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• You have no power over me
• Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
• Have you been a dad today?
• I'm up, he sees me, I'm down
• Don't assume that just because I'm gay, all I want is sex
• Just because I like ballet it doesn't mean I'm a poof
• I'm a big mean censor, and I'm here to mess up all your fun
• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
• She told me I looked like a Henry, and this is how she would know me
• How is poetic form going to help me scream about revolution
• I'm going to run out of hints to drop
• I wish you could have met me before I became food
• The wheels are moving beneath me. I have not missed my train.
• I have always wanted someone to say to me what you just said
• I'm a Chicken-Hawk, and I'm gonna eat me some chickens
• Look at me mammy I'm dancin I'm dancin
• Dude, check me out. I'm like a little otter, a sexy little otter!
• I'm a bloke. Shoot me.
• I'm changing the climate! Ask me how
• The sheer fact that I'm in a developing country should make me a better person, yes?
• Nobody fly with me; I'm cursed
• We know we have fallen because we know who we are
• A funny thing happened to me in the parking garage today
• If it were a snake, it would have bit me
• Until today, it really pissed me off that I'd become this totally centered Zen Master and nobody had noticed
• If my mom doesn't let me play the violin because it's gay then ...
• Some people call me a drama queen
• The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
• To think that there are kids today that have never used a joystick
• Tell me what I'm supposed to be feeling
• I'm Going Straight to Heaven
• And if I don't die or worse I'm going to need a nap
• She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
• Don't miss me until I'm dead
• Don't touch me when I'm screaming
• I'm so sorry my brain works that way
• I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore
• if you don't stop laughing I'm going to pour Mountain Dew on your bed
• Why don't I have votes today?
• I'm so shallow, A new T-Shirt makes me happy
• I'm trying to see little old ladies as versions of my mom; it helps me be a better person
• this writeup made me hungry like DAMN so I'm chinging it!
• She told me to say that
• The voting system doesn't work because I'm drunk and that fucks it up
• Just because I'm black doesn't mean I can rap
• Just because I'm nice to her doesn't mean I want to fuck her
• blondes have more fun
• Victor Burczyki, a man who once bought me a beer and told me this story
• I don't shiver because I'm cold. I shiver because you are.

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