Cubicle Sniper

An effect of a geek being bored in his cubicle.

A bad mix:

Geek

Laser pointer

Unsuspecting Cubicle Population

The Cubicle Dweller Sniper is one who uses his laser pointer with the malicious intent to make his Cubicle Neighbors, in the Cubicle Jungle paranoid and wary.

These stealthy Cubicle Dwellers often find their way to Cubicle Commando and Cubicle Mercenary roles.

No one can escape the deadly red dot.

Back to the Carlosian Cubicle Culture Project

Another tool of the Cubicle Sniper is his or her selection of Nerf guns, bows, crossbows and darts. Some have even perfected the art of sending a nerf arrow of any size sailing across the room at great enough speed and accuracy to hit a co-worker in the forehead or the neck and produce a sound loud enough to echo throughout the office. A particularly well-aimed and well-timed surprise dart can even produce a loud gasp of surprise from your victim.

Another tool, used less often, is the koosh-ball projectile. Relatively harmless but thrown correctly can bring a lough "ooomph!" from your target.

A wonderful device can be made by tying a sturdy rubber band to the end of a pen. Then you slice a fresh new crisp business card cleanly in two across its short axis, and launch one of the halves with the pen/rubber band device. With practice, a range of forty or fifty feet can be achieved. On impact, these things hurt. Do not shoot anybody who won't laugh it off! Blood has been drawn in this manner. Not much, but a little. This should only be done after marketing has gone home for the evening.

I have found that Cubicle sniping, while an excellent way to maintain the proper office atmosphere, has one major drawback. Occasionally, lusers who do not understand the gestalt get involved, and won't stop when asked politely. Usually, "Hey, gimme a half hour, this fscking thing almost compiles" will bring an immediate (albeit quite temporary) cease-fire. However, as I said, every once in a while, there's someone who has to prove something.

Solution: I brought my paintball gun to the office, where it is mounted over my PC. There's no ammo in it, but there's a live air tank on it, and anyway, they don't know it's empty. After the first time I have to use it, it won't be.

I am the Cubicle Sniper. All I need is a laser sight...hmm...got a pointer here...(checks for Cybertool...)