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Slurm

created by Melchizedek

(thing) by Servo5678 (1.8 y) (print)   ?   (I like it!) 1 C! Mon Jan 13 2003 at 21:38:08

Slurm is the highly addictive soft drink sensation in the Futurama universe. The drink is manufactured on the planet Wormulon by a race of slugs. It's a thick green viscous fluid that consumers are known to chug by the six-pack. The drink has a party image thanks to its pitchman Slurms McKenzie, the slug who's the king of partying down. In fact, by contract Slurms is only allowed to party and not do anything else.

The Slurm factory is manned by the Grunka Lunkas, a race of rainbow-colored munchkin-like creatures comparable to Willy Wonka's Oompa-Loompas. They sing their way through their work and offer advice and warnings to factory visitors via song. Slurm's horrifying secret, however, is that the factory production is all for show. The real source of Slurm is that the gooey drink is produced by the queen slug; Slurm is actually an excretion from the queen's hinder! When Fry found out the horrifying secret of Slurm he attempted to report it, but when he found out that doing so would lead to Slurm being outlawed, he retracted the report because, despite its grossness, it really was delicious.

Slurm is known for its powerful marketing techniques such as hiding tokens in Slurm cans which consumers can redeem for valuable prizes. Following in the steps of Coca-Cola the company planned to produce a new brand of Slurm that tasted horrible and then reintroducing the familiar Slurm formula under the name "Slurm Classic". There is also a super version of Slurm, known as Super Slurm, that is even more highly addictive than its canned counterpart. In fact, people who have sampled a taste of Super Slurm have been known to drown in vats of the stuff in their compulsion to drink more and more. Furthermore, new Slurm Queens are produced by submerging unwitting factory visitors in a purple version of the drink known as Royal Slurm. However if a commoner is made into a Slurm Queen her Slurm will taste foul. When in the future remember to only drink quality Slurm.


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