Poisoning Pigeons in the Park

A song by Tom Lehrer- perhaps his best known. It is gleefully twisted, and does exactly what it says on the tin.

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring
I do, don't you, of course you do
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me
And makes every Sunday a treat for me

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
Every Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park

When they see us coming, the birdies all try and hide
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide
The sun's shining bright
Everything seems all right
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
La la, dum de da da da doo deedeedee

We've gained notoriety and caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society with our games
They call it impiety and lack of propriety
And quite a variety of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon

So if Sunday you're free
Why don't you come with me
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment
Except for the few we take home to experiment
My pulse will be quickenin' with each drop of strych-a-nin'
We feed to a pigeon
It just takes a smidgen
To poison a pigeon in the park