What a day!
The kids ate their Frosted Flakes like it was a contest...they didn't want to
be late for the bus on a Field Trip day! "Slow down Tiger!" I said to Jellyface
as he ran to collect his books.
"Don't worry Ma! Frosted Flakes is fortified with 12 essential vitamins and
minerals so I have plenty of energy for the field trip today!" Hellcat fixed her
braids, "You should've set out your books last night like I did...now I can have
an extra piece of Hormel bacon instead of rushing around!"
"OK kids, that'll be enough of that fighting! Helly, you eat your bacon,
Jelly, get your books and for heaven's sake, tuck those shirt tails in!" I took
a moment just to take in the scene...my kids.I finished up their
lunches...baloney sandwich, a crisp apple, chilled celery sticks, hearty
Campbell's soup, and a Hostess Twinkie for dessert. The kids ran out the door
and I settled down for a cup of Postum and a Morton's Honey Bun.
I brought my breakfast over to our computer (I named her Betsy) and booted
her up. While I waited for her to warm up I took off my apron, folded it neatly,
and hung it on the hanger I keep by the desk. I kicked off my pumps and took my
first bite of sweet sweet bun. Email... News... Stocks... Everything2. I
browsed, voted, noded, then thought... "wonder what Sensei's up to?"
and here it is. Miracle Whip. My beloved Miracle Whip Salad Dressing...
advised to be avoided by one of the most beloved noders of all time. O God! I've
been feeding this crap to my children!!! MY beloved husband!!! What have I
done??? I quickly slipped on my heels and apron and rushed to the refrigerator.
I spotted the prime offender right there between the Heinz Tomato Ketchup and the
Dr. Pepper... before I reached in I put on a Playtex Living Glove so as not to
damage my body any more with this vileness - but then I caught something out of
the corner of my eye, it was Betsy (my computer).
I put the offending jar of offensiveness down and went to Betsy, "What's
wrong, girl?" there it was... a message from the Harvard School of Public
Health, published in the New England Journal of Medicine: Partially hydrogenated vegetable
oil, the stuff that makes doughnuts, margarine and french fries taste good, has
jumped to the top of the list of dietary evils, beating out even butter in the
bad-for-your-heart category.
I snapped my fingers once in realization. "Betsy, you're a genius!"
I ran to the jar in the middle of the kitchen.
Ingredients:
Soybean Oil
Water
Vinegar
Sugar
Egg Yolks
Starch
Modified Food Starch
Salt
Spice
Paprika
No hydrogenated anything! *whew* Sensei, you sure had me going there for a
minute! That was a good one! I put the Miracle Whip back in the fridge and shut
the door. I reflected on the morning as I slipped off the gloves... family,
computer food, partially hydrogenated fats... it sure is a big world out
there... a big world full of wonderful things... think I'll take the kids to
McDonald's for lunch.
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