How to flirt

You cannot flirt if you have no confidence in yourself. Perhaps you need to speak more freely with members of the $targetSex gender, so that you can realise that they are as confused as you are about the whole issue of people to people relationships.

If someone flirts with you, its a complement. If you're not interested, accept it but dont flirt back.

It is considered bad form to flirt when you are with your significant other, or if they are likely to find out - they may think you are shopping around for a new significant other, even if you are simply keeping your knives sharp.

Flirting is fun. always remember that. It helps boost people's confidence as well.

Flirting can also progress into more serious relationships, if the attraction is mutual.

So stop trying so hard. It's not a race or a competition where you need to get them as fast as possible. Try and become friends first. Not only will you be more comfortable around them and more willing to flirt a bit, but you get to learn what they're like, and find out if you really even WANT to be with them.

It's usually used with people you don't know, may never get to know, and don't care either way. It's not even a way to flirt yourself into a desired scenario. But it works for me, because at heart I am a wallflower and not seeking anyone at this point to get involved with even on a shallow level. I should say it worked for me (past tense), since I no longer go out in public much to make use of it. I used it more as a way to prove to myself that people were looking at me with interest, that they were paying attention .

I'd go into a bar or coffee shop and sit facing the largest open area, my back to a wall . There's usually numerous stimuli outside human targets, i.e. TV's, jukeboxes, live bands, or the hum/whirr/hiss of the blender/espresso machine/frother to focus on and shift from, point to point to point, so that you never look like you're staring , but merely scanning the room.

If you have good peripheral vision as I do, you may catch your mark giving you a once over, or scanning the room himself. The goal is to preface your eye contact with a mild body movement that is in itself natural (a shift in cross-legged position to knees together, or tapping the ash on your cigarette), then point your eyes like a beam and slowly drag them across until they hit their mark. Boom.

In a split second, none of his face exists outside his eyes . All you want to see are his pupils pointed right back into your own. Not down at your body, or over your head, or through you, but back at you, where your eyes started from. You'll be lucky if you can manage to smile or do anything, because none of that matters right now. If you smile when you don't want to, or ask for more than the look, you will have ruined a very good and cleanly executed exchange of eye tag .

So, anyway, that's how I would do it.

In my mind there are two types of flirting, used for different purposes. Being a gay male, I tend to 'flirt' with my female friends quite often. Usually this consists of outrageous flattery and teasing which (hopefully) nobody takes seriously but has fun with.

The second kind of flirting, for me, is the more serious flirtations. These usually consist of trying to make eye contact and smiling to attract attention, talking while keeping eye contact, moving slightly into his personal space and perhaps touching him lightly if the mood and conversation seem to lend itself to this. This type of flirting is a lot more difficult because there's a bit more at stake, and being a moderately shy person around people I feel attracted to, I tend to stammer or not be able to think of anything to say.

Flirting can be a lot of fun, it's mostly a game... think of it that way and perhaps it will make things easier.

Admittedly, I don't have that much experience, but I'd have been glad to know what I'm about to say a while ago.

First, choose your target. You most likely aren't going to meet your soulmate at random, in a club or wherever. I'll assume you're looking for a girl. Just choose someone who looks like they are alone, and maybe a little lonely. You might want to wait a few minutes to make sure that they are indeed alone. Ideally, wait until they have only about one eighth of thier drink left; this will make the next bit a lot easier.

Walk over to them, smile, and say "Hello, can I buy you a drink?". If they say no, say "Ah well, I had to ask". Take a step back the way you came, smile and say "Bye", and walk away. Do something different for five to ten minutes, then repeat the process with someone else.

That's not to say she will refuse. It's just in case. If she agrees to your offer of a drink, get her drink, and one for yourself. If it's at a bar with seats, take a seat next to her, lean partially over the bar and attaract the bartender's attention. If she's at a table, go over to the bar, and walk back with her drink in one hand and yours in the other. Put it on the table in front of her, say "Here you are", and take a seat next to her.

Now choose an interesting topic of conversation, but not one on which you can beome too polarized. "So, how did you come to be here?" would be a good start. "What do you think about the recent presidential election, then?" would not. Also, try to avoid questions that can't be answered yes or no. This is mainly because she might say "No.", which would make continued conversation hard.

Listen to what she says. Ask questions, but not annoying ones. Don't act dumb, but don't act smart either. Look her in the eyes. Think before you speak. Also, since you will probably never meet again, feel free to deviate slightly from the truth; it hurts no-one, but can make conversation a lot easier. Example:

You: So, how did you come to be here?
Her: I've been coming (sp?) here for a while. I'm here with my friend Tracey. She's over there with her boyfriend. (points)

"I normally go to (other club). Last time I came here, the music wasn't that good, but I'm liking it more now. What do you think of it?"

would be a superior reply to

"Me too. Coming here, that is."

If the conversation ever lulls, avoid any temptation to look around. You chould be almost transfixed, but not totally. Look into her eyes. Compliment her, but choose a particular thing. If she's really nice, but not the most attaractive woman in the room, don't say she is. I don't know why, but it's like the 'Do I look fat in this?' thing. She will doubt you, which is bad. A good example could be:

"You have the most beutiful eyes I have ever seen."

Let it sink in for a few (i.e. one or two) seconds. Then ask her to dance. If you can't dance, before enacting the suggestions in this guide, go out and watch other people dance. Copy what other people do. Try a bit for yourself if you like. Nobody is looking at you, they're too busy wondering if you're looking at them. Just dance; it won't hurt you.

At the end of the evening, ask for her number; Don't try to get her in bed on the first evening (Unless, or course, you want to!). It's best to have a Biro with you to note it down on the back of your hand. Don't keep a notepad, that would just be silly. Don't call her the VERY NEXT MORNING; you don't want to seem desperate. Wait one or two days, then call her in the early evening, maybe around six thirty PM, when she may well be home, then invite her out the next day.

I should add these instructions aren't absolute. Vary them. And don't be discouraged if you don't bed every woman you meet. I certainly don't. And enjoy yourself; nobody looses anything from talking.