April 20, 2004

What is it about over-the-top experimental breaks and siezure-inducing white-noise that turns women off? I've seen men rage long into the night, or salivate at the mention of a MIDI-slaved keyboard, while the ladies wander off in search of something more danceable. Ladies, can we not make a compromise? You agree to go to some of the more avant-garde shows out there without your boyfriend, and I promise to try and make it to a show that plays more danceable music.

That also means that you can only give me the eye if I have a chance of talking to you that evening, or maybe even getting your number. Do not wave me over with the cast of your eyes so that I can seduce smiles and giggles out of you just before your boyfriend comes over and coldly leads you into the night air.

What a dick.

Yes, I am aware that I am being unfair/judgemental/furry/whimsical. I realize that my experience with a few should not be applied in absolutes, furry or not. Let the pandas of the world be heard! "We will not dance on your balls with our awkward mass ever again!! Now bring us eucalyptus!" Those vulgar little bears. I'll never forgive them for what they did to Homer, and how much he reeked of panda love and panda pain. The horror.

Hillbilly Heroin. Dope high for the white guy. Rush's Recreation. Whatever your favorite is, it's best referred to by two succinct little syllables : oh-see. Yes, the big OC is sweeping our nation's schools and neighborhoods. The infuriatingly powerful little pill suffers from none of the inconsistency and contamination that haunts the big H, and hell, you can get a prescription for it. A buddy and I decided that perhaps a new name is needed. Why not, WASP Heroin?

But, just what is oxycontin? Take a look at the node. Ever heard of percocet, oxycodone? These little pills come with about 10mg of opiate, adulterated with thirty times that in aspirin or acetaminophen so that the chances for addiction are unavailable. You take too much of one of the adulterated pills and you're going to ruin your liver and kidneys before you get a good opiate nod. Then oxycontin steps into the ring, weighing at 80mg of pure, extremely potent opiate. This is the stuff that FOX news is sensationalizing: "Kids snort crushed oxycontin for a near heroin rush." Heh. Rush. It turns out that it wasn't the kids that were in danger but rather fat, pig-headed, sweaty, pontificating conservatives named Rush Limbaugh. Damn, it's so satisfying when you see hypocrisy incarnate rapped on the knuckles. Bad Rush! Bad!! Actually, now that I think about it, there's nothing that Rush resembles so much as an out-of-shape blustering smack-snacking panda. Time to swith to eucalyptus, methinks.

Dammit, Rush. Because of you the terrorists have already won.

Now where the hell did that panda run off to...

Who is skybluefusion? Where the hell did she come from? Level 4 and I've never seen them before!? How is this possible?

Skybluefusion...

Well let's start with explaining what this means.

skybluefusion~My given name is derived from Jennifer which derives from Guinevere which derives from gwen which means white, fair and hwyfar, which means smooth. Blue has become my name as a converging person. sky blue is a mixture of blue and white. Fusion comes from confusion, for I have spent much of my life in a state of confusion. It has a double meaning though, the other being fusion of selves into a functional being.

I actually had a really nice person, a noder of course, tell me today, "I admit, bluebird_is_sad was my choice of worst user name ever. LOL" True. It was bad. I admit it. I never said it was good. It was a complaint really. I didn't get the name I'd wanted originally. He also said, "skybluefusion, now that is an awesome name, two thumbs up" Thank you.

I am working toward many changes in my life, and getting away from _is_sad is an important step for me. I hope I have not caused any confusion for anyone. I am grateful to everyone who has supported me as bluebird_is_sad and beyond. I am extremely grateful to those who helped make this change happen.

E2 Article in News for Noders inspired me to write the following section. It is a modified version of what I sent her.

I recently had a conversation about why I spend so much time on everything2.com. E2 is so many things. I know it sounds silly, but I think everything2 can be given at least partial credit for me even being alive.

How can a website be responsible for someone's life? Well, it's not so much the site itself as the people who populate it, and the opportunities it provides. I have struggled with mental illness my whole life. Online, especially through my writings on e2, I have been able to open up about who I really am in ways I've never been able to do elsewhere. What I've received in return for my writing is amazing. Friendship, compassion, understanding, gentle criticism, love. Things that give life meaning.

Everything2 has worked for me on many levels. I use it as a study tool, by letting me node my homework,and by letting me quickly search for information on anything and everything. It provides me with a sense of accomplishment. Every time I node something I feel like I've accomplished something, I've shared my knowledge. It has provided me with a sense of helping others. I actively seek out "newbies" and offer my assistance and several have taken me up on the offer. It brings me great joy to help others. Most importantly however, is the friendships this website has helped me find. I have several friends, true friends, who are fellow noders. None of which I would have found if not for this site. Some of these people I have spoken to on the phone. Others only through a keyboard. E2 is filled with wonderful, caring, intelligent people. I have shared things in my writings on e2 and in my conversations with the friends this site has brought me that I have never told anyone face to face. Writing about such things has allowed me to learn much about myself, and to grow. Everything2 really is a community. It is a very supportive one at that.

Recently, someone I know online, but not an everythingian, attempted to kill herself. She came in the chatroom we are both regulars in to say goodbye. We knew what she had done, and did not want to lose her, and if she had truly wanted to die she would not have let us know what she had done. Of the few people in the chatroom at the time, no one except myself and the person in trouble was within the United States. I did not have access to a phone. The wonderful noders came through. The catbox became a frenzy and my /msgs poured in. This friend was retrieved by an ambulance after a lovely noder called emergency services.

Although many people say I spend way too much time on e2, I am content. I am learning. I am entertained. I don't care what people think.

I truly believe everything2.com is a godsend to me.

I've been out for a while, due to a move to Marouba and getting shot in the head during Unknown Armies. To tide you over i'm posting the latest installment of my column, Ask the American. If it is liked, I'll put it in another node, answer questions from E2 users, and post my earlier columns. If not, then you need to realize its all in jest.. mostly.

Ask the American

What the fuck is up with America?

I have two brothers, and the youngest one is ten years younger then me. He feels threatened by all the older people in the house, so he screams and laughts alot, plays with toy fighter jets, and basically makes a bunch of trouble. He dosen't mean any harm-- he's just trying to make some space for himself. He acts like he's wise, though, and like he knows what's going on-- always bossing us (his sibs) around in a funny "adult" voice.

He's a lot like America that way. Its young and silly and messed up, but it thinks its got important things to say and can boss everybody around. In America's case, though, its parents felt sorry for it and gave it some military power with which to play. And then my tidy analogy turns into that episode of the Twilight Zone with Bill Mumy, where all the adults do whatever the little kid wants because he has horrible powers and nobody wants to be turned into a Jack in the Box or sent into the cornfield.

Why do Americans sound the way they do?

Er... do you fail to realize exactly how BIG America is? "Americans" don't even sound like Americans-- we sound like Long Islanders, New Yorkers, Texans, Georgians, and eveyrthing in between. Trust me, a Southern accent sounds just as odd to me as it does to you. Thinking we all sound the same is as dumb as thinking a Sydneysider sounds like Paul Hogan.

Does America have 50 or 52 states?

Neither. There's Confusion, Derision, Missuria, the South, New York, Walla Walla, Puerto Rico, Australia, the New Hebredies, Istanbul, Cheasapeke Bay, Minnasota, Florida, and East Carolina... that, with the 24 i don't know, makes 38 states.

When will democracy be reinstated in the USA?

No citizen of a country that lets the Green Party gain actual power has the right to tell me anything about democracy.

Do you think you're better then the U.N.?

I'm a single individual who can make important decisions without the need for beurcratic waffling, pancaking, and general French Toasting that the UN goes through for everything so yes, I am better then the UN. Also, my proclamations carry about the same weight.

Do Americans love Krispy Kreme?

Ehhhhh.... would "an intense combination of lust, religious devotion, and wholesale gluttony" be defined as love? Probably. Speaking in all seriousness, Krispy Kreme donuts are the greatest things on Earth. My cynicism fails me as I sing their praises, and I can only hope my unbridled devotion causes them to send Tharunka (or me personally) a free box).

What is the LA hockey team called?

The Mighty Ducks. Disney created a real team after the movie. Unfortuantly, they weren't based on the short-lived cartoon series, and so they lack the ability to shoot rocket propelled pucks from their gloves at alien invaders.

As a member of a nation that spent 40 years involved in a Cold War with Russia, do you consider it a personal failure that certain manipulative Russian women are alive?

No. I consider it a personal failure that my good looks and inappropriate comments have failed to win over the bodies of certain manipulative Russian women and their giant, armored vodka bears. Were I to suceed, benefits would no doubt outweight the costs of failure. And while I fail, I fail nobly, knowing I face an enemy which bested Napolean, confounded Chekov, and held Reagen at bay for 40 years. So no, I do not regret my grevious errors which lead to the loss of the Cold War. Rather, I welcome our new female Russian overlords, and hope I can serve them well in any footstool/doormat related position.

I just finished posting an update on a node I wrote back in January, 2004. At that time Cypress Gardens in central Florida was the object of an $11 million rescue deal voted on by the Florida Cabinet.

The park, a delightful collection of botanical gardens and a lake which had been the scene of water shows featuring movie stars such as Esther Williams back in the 1940's, had shut down in 2003 for financial reasons. Many Florida residents thought of the park as a historical and cultural icon and wanted it reopened as it had been.

Cypress Gardens now has a new owner who will turn half of it into an amusement - excuse me - adventure park. The theme of gardens and water will be retained - at least for now - in the other half.

At first I was upset by the "deal" implications. Then I thought, "Well, the park is going to have to earn its way, hence the carnival rides, etc." But I think it also says something else about the way we are as a people today.

Cypress Gardens was conceived in the mid-1930's, well before television was found in every home. For those who visited the Gardens' cool pathways, had their picture taken with a hostess in an antebellum gown, or marveled at its more than 8,000 varieties of tropical plants, a trip to Cypress Gardens was an exotic adventure. I think it is much more difficult for us to experience "exotic" today.

A few years ago I went on an African "no shooting" safari in Botswana and Zimbawbe. I had spent many years in West Africa but I had never visited the "big game" areas of that continent. I was very excited about my trip.

My guide was a family friend, an ex-Rodesian employed as a school teacher in Oprapa, a closed community at the edge of the Kalahari Desert. Many of Botswana's diamonds are mined in Oprapa, an isolated village surrounded by its own game park. Keith spends every weekend in the bush and is a very knowledgeable guide. I'm sure he showed me everything there was to see.

But there was something about the whole experience I could not quite put my finger on. It finally came to me one sunny afternoon when we were in the Chobe River National Park, watching the elephant migration. There I was, on a barge in the center of the river, watching the herds arriving at the start of the dry season. Hundreds of elephants, splashing triumphantly into the water after their journey. And the thought came to me,

This is just like television!

I have become so accustomed to seeing exotic scenes in television documentaries that I had a sense of déjà vu, "been there, done that".

And that, I think, is what has happened to places like Cypress Gardens. We are no longer impressed with what was formerly an enchanted spot. We have become jaded.

OTHER THINGS!

At a baseball game, I miss the feeling of her hand in my own. At a movie, I pine for her head against my shoulder. At night, when I fall asleep, I ache to feel her body next to mine.

Yet I have never done these things, with her or anyone else.

I've seen her skin, but never run a hand over it; I've heard her voice, but never felt her breath. So how can I crave these things?

Is it possible to miss something you have never experienced? Yes, but I can't understand how it can be so painful.

Hopefully I can avoid deletion this time...oh, and if you're too lazy to count, the above is a nonfiction drabble.