beautiful
a beautiful girl
sitting in the shadows, in the brown darkness, in the smoke
beautiful
intelligent, articulate, demure, soft, firm, wise, pure, head bowed, eyes down
beautiful
except for the bruises on her cheeks
the bruises on her neck, back, stomach, legs, sides, arms
her man is not far away, he is laughing
he is drinking too much, smoking pot, smoking crack, shooting up, snorting coke
he is looking at other women
he is flirting, kissing, loving, sucking, fucking other women
but he is a good man
and a good man deserves a beautiful girl
when he yells, he is a good man, when he says nothing
when he comes home late
late, too late, smelling like perfume, smelling like come
when he tells her, 'i love you,' and doesn't mean it
when he tells her, 'stupid cock-sucking stupid motherfucking bitch,' and does.
she is beautiful
beautiful
a beautiful girl
but he hates her, hits her, because she is too fat too skinny too ugly too slutty too stupid too smart-assed too quiet too loud too easy too hard-to-get
dragging her, bloody, to the bedroom where it's hard, hard for him, hard for him to get it up
and it hurts
it's too fast too hard too long
much too long, when all she wants is to sleep, to cry, to heal?
she wants to dream, to go where she is loved and safe
she wants to die, this beautiful girl
beautifully
sitting in the corner cradling the dusty marks of his hard fists in her hands
crying into her coffee
beautiful
she could have been someone, something, somewhere at some time
but now?
she is not beautiful, it's too late for that
she is sad
and the ugliness of this sadness, this life, makes her not beautiful but
numb.

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