On being a staunch monarchist

I just think modern American democracy is lame. There is so much lying, so much posturing and focus grouping and pandering and so on. We are never going to have direct democracy in America (ok sure internet voting, but come on), just a stupid republic.

Because kings are appointed through heredity there is no need to be dissapointed when they turn out to be bad leaders or horny or corrupt. We didn't ask for them to be our leader and therefore are not responsible for their actions. Lord knows we live like this anyway, so why not just own up and get rid of the middle man.

Plus Americans love royalty, we love the dotty old drunken Queen of England. We all shit ourselves when Diana bought it. We loved Kennedy most of all and he was much more a young doomed king than a president. He took mistresses in true regal fashion, he died in a mythic way. He was from a political dynasty founded on corruption and gangsterism and so on and so on.

The revolutionary war wasn't so much about having a king as about having a shitty greedy particularly bad king. The french actually cooked up most of the current state of democracy and look where it got them. So join me in clamoring for a new American King. One who is pro-choice, anti war on drugs and has a neatly trimmed kingly beard. As an early candidate I suggest Sean Connery.

just a note to the literalists out there (bless your hearts) I am more or less funning here. If you elect a king then your weird ass country is not to be included as an example in this rant

Actually, kings and queens are not necessarily "appointed through heredity" -- several countries have had elected kings (Poland is the only one I could name off the top of my head, but liveforever tells me Denmark had an elected monarchy until the 17th century) and in cases where the monarchy is normally hereditary, there have still been instances where there was no biological heir (or too many) and someone else had to be selected, either by the monarch before their death (as with Elizabeth I selecting James I) or by other leaders within the country (the English selecting the Protestant daughters of James II to rule, rather than his Catholic son).