This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down

When you get your error message, it usually looks like this:

This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
If the problem persists, please contact the program vendor.

Not only is this claim confusing, it is also ludicrous. The problem has persisted about 4832 times for Internet Explorer, but I don't think many people contact Microsoft. We just grin and bear it, or more likely, say "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?".

Now to find out what my computer did that was illegal. Since my computer seems to do the illegal operations everyday without getting caught, I can only assume that it's only illegal if it is caught by the Internet Gestapo. They track the phone lines everyday, looking for people using the Internet, and give them the error just for the hell of it. They're sadistic.

So, in conclusion, after studying my computer for many days, I can honestly say that getting the error message is completely random.

And this isn't even looking at the fact that when you click on details it says:
"err on jfdkj.dll for invalid cookie reciept, at BGFIDHGWIYSFEUOGHAEOUGHUAOHGB;O AUERBGIOANWEIFHNIWEOBF;I AWEBFUOEAWB;FWA;.GEFNBAWI.OLEBG.WAEB HILG HAIURGBLIUAWEBFL"
Some things were not meant to be solved.

This message would not bother me under ordinary circumstances, while the program is running. I mean I can hardly blame the OS for a program trying to access some memory it does not own.

What really gets to me is that I often get this message several seconds after I have instructed the software to shut down. I mean, come on, Windows knows the program is being shut down because, after all, Windows software reacts to the shut down request by sending itself a Windows system message.

It would seem logical that if I have requested a program shut down, I don't need to be told it is going to be shut down. Hey, the problem is with some memory error in the computer, not a memory error in my head.

Secondly, this message drives me crazy when I get it twice (or more times) in a row for the same program. I already know from the first message the program messed up, and I have resigned myself to it by clicking OK, so why tell me again and again. Just shut it down already, and shut up!

Either problem could easily by solved by using a flag. Dear, Microsoft programmers, it appears the concept of flag is new to you, so here's an explanation: You reserve either a bit or a byte (or whatever size, but a single bit is enough) of memory whenever you load a program. This bit/byte/whatever is the flag. Now, you set the flag to zero initially (the flag is off, you know, just like keeping a real-world flag lowered).

When the program sends itself the message to quit, the system software simply needs to change the value from 0 to 1. That is, the flag is on (you know, as if a real-world flag were raised). Get it so far? Good!

Now, when an exception occurs, let your exception handler check the value of the flag. If it is zero, pop up that message box about the program being shut down and set the flag to one (this mind boggling trick will prevent you from popping it up twice).

If, on the other hand, the flag is already set when your handler starts (i.e. its value is not zero), just kill the program without popping up that message box. Got it? Excellent!

And because so many people were scared that their computer was breaking the law by performing an illegal operation, this wondrous message has been replaced in Windows 2000 Service Pack 2 and Windows ME.

You now get a cute, friendly message informing you: 'Internet Explorer has encountered a problem, and must close.' Any extremely important reports you were writing have most definitely been lost forever.

Please sigh, and continue using shoddy badly programmed pieces of software.

OK, The part in quotes is true, but I can't remember the rest, since I only installed SP2 yesterday...

• If you see a crash in x.x at location 0x00000000, this means you've dereferenced a null pointer. Look for somewhere in the code where something is NULL, or you've allocated memory, and not checked to see whether you've actually got the right memory.
• If you see a crash in x.x at location 0xfeeefeee, or 0xdeadbeef you'll know that you just tried to use memory that has been freed to the system.

• To keep the registry clean, there are several programs available. One is Norton, which has it's own set of problems and hell, and another is Microsoft's own RegClean (even though I wouldn't use it past Windows 98). In Windows Millennium, PC Health is supposed to take care of the registry, and Windows NT has Fort Knox permissions and protection upon it and all of it's keys. Basically, with Win9x you always run the risk of registry problems, so my best suggestion is to upgrade to NT. There are various registry watchers that can tell you when something is being looked at in the registry by a particular program. You may want to try backing up and deleting those problematic keys, as many programs regenerate missing keys. Also, avoid lots of shady third-party software. If you run a system of ALL Microsoft stuff out of the box, it all works great. Why? Because everyone in Redmond is using that same thing, and they'd spot bugs immediately. Highly-tested software (especially in the software configuration department) is very crucial to a stable PC.
• Avoiding dll Hell is usually the job of the programmer, but don't let things install a pile of libraries, every time it dumps items into your system directory (overwriting other versions of the library). There is little you can do, but Windows 2000 manages this problem much better. Always run the most updated version of a program. Newer installers (such as Vise, the new InstallShield, and Windows Installer) take care to manage Dll Hell a little better. Calling to the wrong version of a dll (whether it be the MFC dll, VB runtimes, [Winsock, etc) is very bad, and will cause considerable trouble.
• Binary disk corruption is somewhat rare, but does happen to people (if the disk is writing while the power goes out, you shut it down unexpectedly, etc). Be vigilant with your disk maintenance, and things will be all right. Microsoft provides Scandisk for Windows (scandisk.exe for DOS, and scandskw.exe for Windows). Windows NT comes with chkdsk, and you can schedule them on a reboot.