Aesop's Fables

The Fox and the Grapes
I'm not sure what the point is here. The moral is "It is easy to despise what you cannot get," but from experience I can tell you it's easy to despise what you do get as well, especially in terms of cable channels. I was going to be skeptical of the idea of a fox eating grapes in the first place, but apparently they're omnivores so that checks out. Still, it would have been slightly more reasonable to have the fox chasing after a vole or something, and then the English language would contain the phrase "Oh, that's just sour voles." C-

The Tortoise and the Hare
"Slow but steady wins the race." This is untrue. Generally speaking, slow but steady loses the race rather humiliatingly. Slow but steady wins the pie-eating contest. The story is amusing enough, but the moral should be changed to "Slow but steady wins the race if all the other participants are narcoleptics," or alternatively "Don't be a moron." D

The Mice and the Weasels
You probably don't know this one. In brief, a bunch of mice appoint mouse generals in their war with the weasels. The mouse generals wear elaborate hats and get eaten because in the inevitable retreat they can't fit back in the mouse holes. In spite of what Aesop would have you believe, this has absolutely no application to life in general, but I still like it because it's about weasels. B-

The North Wind and the Sun
This is a little obscure, but you've probably heard it. The North Wind and the Sun have a little contest to see who can make a random passerby get naked, which is remarkably similar to a game I played in college. The North Wind can't blow the guy's clothes off, but the Sun persuades him to take his clothes off by buying him beers and telling him he looks like Julia Roberts. Or something like that. C

The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Hey, what a handy little fable. At long last we have a useful lesson: don't judge by appearances, and an interesting little story with a violent ending and everything. Not that it's easy to picture a wolf being at all convincing with a sheep skin thrown over its shoulders, but it's also hard to imagine George Clooney as an avenging crimefighter, so every era has its problems. A

In light of his anti-art statements made throughout his life, this odd choice points up his lack of aesthetic sensitivity. Not that there is anything wrong with that.