poutine

Similar to poontang but with less anal rape.

I've never heard of Harvey's before.

• Poutine Michigan: - poutine w/ sliced hot dog
• Poutine Italien: - poutine w/ spaghetti sauce

Poutine is a feminine noun. Thus we say "une poutine" or "la poutine".

Ma'ame Bolduc, on deLorimier street in Montréal, makes many kinds of poutine with various ingredients, the deadliest of which is arguably "La galvaude", with minced meat and mushrooms added to the usual cheese and gravy.

The gravy should of course be poured after the cheese in order to make it melt appropriately.

The cheese used to make poutine is sold throughout Québec in convenience stores, called "dépanneur", where it is not refrigerated but kept at room temperature to give it a characteristic squeakiness.

Any attempt to tell a Québecois where the best poutine can be found will immediately spark an intense and inextricable debate.

You know you want to try it. This is the best version of poutine that I've come up with.

Ingredients:

• One packet McCain's or similar frozen french fries
• One can mushroom gravy (you can also use beef gravy, or make your own if you're ambitious)
• One bag cheese curds (if you don't live in Quebec, try a mixture of mild cheddar and mozzarella, either shredded or, preferably, cut into very small pieces)

Bake the french fries as per packet directions, but leave them in the oven a few minutes longer than directed (keep an eye on them though). A few minutes before the fries are done, heat up the gravy on the stove. When the fries are done, mix them with the cheese in a bowl. Pour the gravy over the top and mix again.

This is a pretty ghetto starving-Quebecois-student recipe. There are all kinds of fancy-ass variations (spaghetti sauce poutine, smoked meat poutine, and so on) that are possible.

By the way, Patati Patata has the best vegetarian poutine in Montreal

Poutine is the most sinful food one can ingest, or inject, for the more serious enthusiast. By definition, poutine consists of French fries, curded cheese, and gravy. Yet, can man not be described as a goop of molecules arranged in a certain way? The spirit of man, as the essence of poutine, is so much more than the sum of its parts.

The interested chef must select each ingredient with utmost care. The full flavor of a poutine can only be appreciated when Prince Edward Island potatoes are used. Further, the fries must be laced with a crusty envelop of grease. The best way to accomplish this is by using old oil. Simply save the oil used to fry your potatoes for another day. Repeat the process until your oil is disgustingly dark. Baking is heresy.

Cheese curds are distinctively Quebecois, and so can be hard to come by in some locales. If you cannot appropriate some, then cease and desist all poutine-related activities and move on to another project.

A real poutine will be drenched in gravy that is both thick and spicy. The darker and thicker sauces tend to make for the best poutines.

Dear reader, if you cannot find the time to locate all of these select ingredients, or you fear starting a fire with all that dirty oil, then I invite you to sample the best poutine the world has to offer. As of this writing, the price is $3.25CND for a large aluminum bowl filled with your favorite treat. Here is how to find it:

Get to any metro station on the island of Montreal. Head towards the orange line and get off at the Cote Vertu terminus. Upon getting out, you will be at the intersection of Decarie Boulevard and Cote Vertu. Walk up Decarie on the left side of the road until you come across a tiny little restaurant called Decary Hotdogs. Ask for a poutine. Get a fork from one of the cardboard boxes tucked into the side. Dig in.

This restaurant, if you can call it that, is very much off the tourist path. The touristy "poutine" joints Downtown charge far too much for a mediocre product. If you give Decary Hotdog's poutine a shot, then give me a holler and thank me for the tip.