Everything2
Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Full Text
Everything2

one way to kill an ostrich

created by archbishopofanarchy

(idea) by archbishopofanarchy (1.9 y) (print)   ?   2 C!s I like it! Wed Sep 14 2005 at 19:27:32

My younger cousin once killed an ostrich; he had brought a bouncy ball to the zoo for a reason unknown to me. It slipped out of his hands and rolled down a hill into the cage, sneaking under the chain-link fence.

Caged animals are so sad looking, sitting there, standing there; whatever they are doing they're just there. They don't have the freedom or privacy that they would've had in the wild. Captive animals are doomed to a small pitiful capacity, they're dwelling in a limited living space, they're segregated. They're a tourist attraction. These animals are idle, as to protest their imprisonment, when they do move it is a slow, dragging of the feet, paws, or hooves. If it weren't for these walls they could run around as they please, go from place to place, eat for themselves. Once an animal is in captivity for whatever amount of time, it is in captivity for life. The animal is so used to being hand-fed and everything that is being done for it that it is domesticated.

Sometimes there are lion shows or a show with bears wearing hats and riding bicycles or a man with a music box and a dancing monkey, any animal show where an animal does a trick. The animal is trained to the undergarments of society, a woeful beast. People stare and are awed, but what's that? Nothing; it's unwillful, it's slavery, it's a shame.

Aside from these shows and any other confined civilization there's the ostrich cage, hidden, down a small hill, which includes three awkward looking creatures; a long flexible neck and two stringy legs connected together by a bulky, feathery egg of an abdomen. Atop of its head are just a couple of feathers. The ostrich; (noun) one of natures balding, lop-sided organisms. It's a flightless bird, with wings that are useless except for warding off unwanted attention.

Once the ball had stopped rolling and was in place in the cage, the ostrich stared at it. The large bird stared at the ball curiously yet scared, as a dog might investigate an unfamiliar object. It would nudge the ball with its beak, possibly toward outside the cage, in attempt to set it free. After some time of nudging the ball, the ostrich began to violently peck at it, letting the target know that death is the only path to true freedom. Bored with antagonizing and deteriorating it's victim, the ostrich firmly takes hold of the ball within its beak, and once it's in place, with one gulp, swallows what's left of the pulp substance, teaching it to sleep with the light on because you never know what's hiding in the room, waiting for your most vulnerable time to eat you.

Not too long after this incident there was a short article in the paper stating that an ostrich had died during a surgical effort at removing an unidentified object from its throat.

It was there where a witness learned that no barricade will keep anyone safe. I saw an interrogation of an inadequate object go awry, backfire on the kid with a magnifying glass sitting at an ant hill.


printable version
chaos

You're WRONG and you're a GROTESQUELY UGLY FREAK Like kicking dead whales down the beach Try cock The boss ain't gonna like this
Jackie Chan's Polar Bear Hat of Doom Happy those who with a glowing faith in one embrace clasped Death and Victory Sweaty man + sports shoe = Babe in leopard bikini This node does not make sense
Little depth but lots of skin and penis Let's die a Romantic death together on the wings of freedom! Paintings bulging out of their frames like the freaked-out spine-damage erections of accident victims Using Pavlovian Theory to classically condition inanimate objects
Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing The only true freedom is freedom from the heart's desires Easter eggs, custom lots, and ostrich meat
ostrich science The largest carrot in Minnesota: A ripple effect through contemporary society Like a dog standing on its hind legs, begging for attention. If we are not dead yet, it is because we are too busy dying to know we are dead.
the dark horse of your voice Duane Reade Ostrich botulism
Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.
  Epicenter
Login
Password

password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Cool Staff Picks
What you are reading:
list collector
Letter from a Newbie to an Old Master
Moog
All's Well That Ends Well
Pyrrho of Elis
Proto-Indo-European
Joan of Arc
Lucifer
My hands, a backrub, a cup of tea, my shoulder, my lips, my silence
You don't know my GOD
Dai-Un's Memory
Ford Galaxie
bridge
New Writeups
Scaevola
Risk in the Roman law of sale(idea)
semicolon
overheard at IHOP(event)
choirotey
Violent pickup lines(idea)
Ouzo
Blue Ovaries, Grrrrrrwl(log)
uncljoedoc
explanation(person)
Noung
One no longer loves one's insight when one communicates it(idea)
AspieDad
Pornology(essay)
nailbiter
Nicole duFresne(person)
Simulacron3
stigmergy(idea)
nakusavi
Yesterday I learned how to kiss(idea)
aneurin
UK Local Elections 2008(event)
Phyrkrakr
Kansas City Royals(thing)
niruena
Amalric of Bena(person)
niruena
Third Crusade(event)
Ariloulaleelay
I am a female android(personal)
This affordable entertainment brought to you by The Everything Development Company