When You Are Old And Grey

A song by Tom Lehrer. "Til death do us part", says the marriage vow- which is all very well for the couples who continue to get along, year in year out. Somewhere in between them and the divorcees lie those who seem to manage somehow, despite a seething rancor beneath the surface. Tom Lehrer has alway highlighted those aspects of human existance. This song is from the point of view of a man in the first flush of new love; but he is a pessimist. He knows that old age will come along soon enough, and wipe out any currently-attractive features from his gal.

As usual, Lehrer accompanies himself on piano. This number is in fast waltz; evoking the mad whirl of new couples; but after the long run of rhymes it slows and becomes tremulous.

Since I still appreciate you,
Let's find love while we may.
Because I know I'll hate you
When you are old and gray.

So say you love me here and now,
I'll make the most of that.
Say you love and trust me,
For I know you'll disgust me
When you're old and getting fat.

An awful debility,
A lessened utility,
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility.
In all probability
I'll lose my virility
And you your fertility
And desirability,
And this liability
Of total sterility
Will lead to hostility
And a sense of futility, gasps
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility,
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability.

Here the piano picks up a trilling warble, like a doddery old woman

Your teeth will start to go, dear,
Your waist will start to spread.
In twenty years or so, dear,
I'll wish that you were dead.

I'll never love you then at all
The way I do today.
So please remember,
When I leave in December,
I told you so in May.