| Every day I sit at home with nothing to entertain me but a TV, the original Nintendo, a cat, and the internet. Well, television can get boring, I've beaten all the Nintendo games I care to beat, and the cat only pays attention to me when he needs a scratching post or a moving target so I am forced to live on the internet.
Some time last year I became hoooked on "internet freebies." These consist of usually a hundred million newsletters delivered to your inbox daily filled with hundreds of free samples found all over the internet. I try to sign up for the "good ones" that don't ask too much from you and just care to get their product out there to the public. This plan used to seem so simple to me: sign up for the product of which it's usually mandatory to also sign up for their newsletter, and then unsubscribe from the newsletter the next day and just wait for your package. Thinking back on those days, I don't think I got half of the things I signed up for. Now I force myself to put up with those newsletters at least until I get what I've ordered.
I'm not sure if it was in a newsletter or it was mandatory to sign up for to get something for free, but somewhere along the the line I got involved in online lottery games. I tried to avoid it for quite some time, but I got quite a few emails that told me I won a guaranteed $(the amount usually varied somewhere between 25,000 to 10,000,000)* and all I had to do was play seven games. I went to the site and it seemed pretty simple: pick six numbers on the card, click on an advertisement in order to process you picks, and repeat that six more times. You don't even have to officially sign up for the advertisements you've clicked on; you can just close that page.
Now this got to be very addicting. I started going nearly every day and soon I found that for each game I played, I received an email with a scratch and win card which was equally if not more addicting.
For those of you out there who feel I'm wasting my time, you couldn't be further from the truth. These endeavors have proven to be quite promising. Yes, that means that I have won money. Now, I've chosen to tell you people first because I don't believe any of you know me well enough to feel that I owe you a part of my fortune. I certainly will think long and hard before I decide to tell my friends; I'm almost SURE I owe some of them money and once they find out about my good fortune, they'll probably take advantage of my poor memory by adding several zeros onto the end of my tab.
Now I bet you're wondering just how much I won. Well, I suppose I'll tell you, but please try not to wet your pants. Be sure you're sitting down for this! I am currently the lucky and VERY thankful winner of ..... *drum roll* ..... TWO DOLLARS!
Ah, yes. My mother couldn't be prouder. Now I want you all to know that you can all be as lucky as I was. I didn't win those two dollars at the same time; I won them on different occasions! Yes, if I can do it twice, you can do it at least once! There is hope for you all out there, and I wish you all luck in the case that you choose to follow my path to fame, riches, and happiness. I wish you all the best of luck and I won't forget to thank all the little people!
*Disclaimer: your actual odds of winning real money are 1 in however the hell many middle aged homemakers are out there doing this all day as well. | 
