04/13/01
To: Mrs. BossWoman
Re: Letter of Resignation

Being firmly in the grip of the ancient hand of manifest destiny, I am taking my bride and moving west. This plan of action was set in motion well before I was hired into Secret Company over a year and a half ago, and has been openly discussed for the duration. I have enjoyed working with the Business Management Sales Organization and the Central Region Order Center and strongly believe that with people like this in its employ, Secret Co. will continue to do magnificent things in and to the telecommunications industry. I take with me many friendships, valuable knowledge and skills. Unfortunately, the Secret Co. presence in the geographical region I am moving to is light, and it is because of this that I must tender my resignation for the position of Installation Specialist - 1. Due to the sheer size of the project of moving all of my life 2000 miles west of my current location, I plan to terminate my at will employment on Friday, May 11, 2001.

Thank You,
LawnJart
IS-1
Central Region Order Center

I am so exuberant I hope it is spilling everywhere.

First I had to tell Mr. Nice Manager IN PERSON that I'll be leaving or quitting or resigning from my position, take your pick. My breath was GONE and my head was light and pounding like one of my panic attacks coming on but I was already at the door to his office and there was no way out.

I do not think my leaving is coming as a surprise to anyone here. The endless refrain of all my status updates and assessment meetings was "Girl you have Potential but lately seem to be a bit distant". They were right. I was scheming. I have my next position neatly lined up, with one precise month of freedom from termination here to new start date there. Out with the old, In with the new. Huzzah! Now I can't stop GRINNING.

Having talked to him, the letter I sent my manager was functional and brief:

May 2, 2001

To: Mr. Nice Mngr

CC: Mr. Scary Client Rep

Mr. Human Resource Guy

To whom it may concern:

This is a tendering of my resignation, effective Friday, May 25th.

Ms. Stand/alone/bitch

Everything feels sweet today, and I am debating the use of resignation as a word for what I am doing. To me it is not a matter of surrender or patient submisison, (like good old Webby says) but a decision of Power and Freedom.

Or something.

EYES ONLY

Col. Evilbastard
Paramilitary Division
Secret Bunker
Level -37
C/^o Abandoned-looking Warehouse
Incognito Street
Nowheresville

Re: Resignation of Agent 36871 Aka: Tarquinious

Dear Sir,

For the past 3 years I have worked within your division to the best of my abilities. I have especially enjoyed the use of the new technologies and constant womanising. However, I have always felt a slight dissatisfaction with the lack of assassinations and take-overs of foreign powers. It is for this reason that I have accepted a position with the guerrilla front.

Please accept this as my resignation, giving a week's notice, after which I will disappear without a trace. I will, of course, be relinquishing my rocket-powered, remote controlled BMW Z3, my Tag with built in laser, and all sundry trick equipment (such as the exploding ball point pen, cufflinks with homing device and briefcase with built in DVD player, including all R-rated movies with multiple camera angles). I do, however, respectfully request to retain my 00 status, as this is considered a prerequisite for my next role.

Respectfully yours,

Agent 36871
Tarquinious

PS: Will the Agency be arranging the removal of the cyanide capsule built into my false molar, or should I visit my local orthodontist?

Res`ig*na"tion (r?z`?g-n?"sh?n), n. [F. r'esignation. See Resign.]

1.

The act of resigning or giving up, as a claim, possession, office, or the like; surrender; as, the resignation of a crown or comission.

2.

The state of being resigned or submissive; quiet or patient submission; unresisting acquiescence; as, resignation to the will and providence of God.

Syn. -- Patience; surrender; relinquisment; forsaking; abandonment; abdication; renunciation; submission; acquiescence; endurance. See Patience.

 

© Webster 1913.