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Railtrack's Guide to Britain

created by Cwrw

(idea) by Cwrw (8.2 mon) (print)   ?   (I like it!) Sun Jun 10 2001 at 21:02:37

Every Sunday I venture up from a small city called Winchester to a slightly bigger city called London. In doing this I take the train back and fro. It is a well known fact that the state of British Railways as a whole is lamentable. The whole railway system is run by an equally useless company by the name of Railtrack. Anyway on my journeys up from Winchester I absent mindedly always forget to bring anything of note to pass the time such as a book or some music. Thus my main hobbies on the train tend to be me getting travel-sick by concentrating on one particular item close to the train such as a tree or I end up waiting for the next station.

The Journey

Winchester

Now you would expect to find the kind people at Railtrack saying something interesting about the prospective city, such as the former capital of England in the reign of King Alfred, or the home of the oldest running schools in Britain (Winchester College) or even something about the beautiful cathedral which the city needs so that it can survive from tourist revenue. Alas no, do you know what Railtrack believes Winchester's main port of call is? Well this:'Winchester, home of Hampshire County Council.' Off putting to say the least I say. We next move onto Micheldever.

Micheldever

Well there is not much to say about this place one of the problems I encountered was that if you don't look carefully you won't see the platform such is the grass that is overgrown. For once I can sympathise with Railtrack for leaving out a sign. I can't see a town outside the train station and no-one ever seems to get out to go there. In my opinion Railtrack should put a little sign saying: 'Micheldever, the home of fuck all'. My train then moves swiftly on to Basingstoke.

Basingstoke

Basingstoke, summed up in two words: industrial wasteland. Yet it does have some useful capabilities in terms of a shopping centre and offices, something could of made not of, it even has an ice-hockey team! No Railtrack comes up with: Basingstoke, home of Winthertur life.' Now if anyone knows what this company has any point to please /msg me. All I know so far is that it is some kind of construction company, believe me that might be a fair reflection on Basingstoke but not something you advertise on the welcome board. Next up Woking.

Woking

'Woking is hideous, all buildings are built after 1950 a 'Holiday Inn' has been added making the surrounding area more hideous. Full of nothing and most exciting event is their non-league football team.' This outline of Woking was given to me by a reliable source, someone who lives in the damned place. Maybe for these reasons it was decided that Railtrack decided not to put up a sign welcoming people. However I imagine i would get the same outline of Basingstoke from someone who live there.

Clapham Junction

Ah, my get off point at last I am away from the hideous journey off Winchester to Clapham Junction via wastelands. On the sign entering Clapham, Railtrack proudly says:'Clapham Junction, home to Britain's busiest railway station.' Surely information only useful to a train anorak/spotter. In my opinion they should have said something about the mall outside, bless them not their fault.

Whatever the case I gleefully leave the train only to take the same hideous route next week. Btw if you live in Britain and know any terrible welcome signs done by railtrack please /msg me, in fact tell me any terrible welcome signs in or out of Britain.


printable version
chaos

Railtrack Demonyms of the United Kingdom Clapham Junction King's Cross
Northern Line Winchester Basingstoke Evolutionary Psychology
Network Rail anorak fuck all
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