| I grew up in a simpler time. Neighbors looked out for each
other, a man's word was his bond, and you were safe to walk
down the street. And on gentle summer evenings, we would
gather around the television after watching Lawrence Welk and
delight to Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. I can remember
many a summer night watching Jim wrestling a water buffalo
to the ground while Marlin Perkins kept up a monotone
running commentary from the safety of the jeep. These men were
the epitome of the naturalist: tanned, rugged men in khaki
who explored God's creation with a net and tranquilizer gun
while hawking insurance coverage.
So imagine my surprise when I discovered what kind of sickos
have tarnished the good name of naturalists everywhere. A recent
article on CNN.COM relates the efforts of the staff in a China
zoo to get a pair of tigers to mate. Due to the disinterest
of the male tiger, these quack scientists are resorting to the
use of Viagra to get the male tiger to complete his God-given
right as a tiger. In my day, we didn't have these kind of problems.
Tigers were plentiful, roaming the wild plains of Africa as was
intended. There were so many tigers, because tigers knew what to
do when the lights were low and the music was soft. Now there
are so few of them that these so-called professionals are having
to help the tigers along with drugs. It's just not natural.
Even worse, the same article mentions that these same scientists
have resorted to the basest of means to engender unnatural lust in
the cuddliest of all God's creatures, the panda. When two pandas
in captivity were not making whoopie as much as these perverts
wanted, they began to show the pandas video footage of other
pandas engaged in intimacy. That's right: panda porn!
What kind of sickos cause poor innocent creatures like pandas
to watch other pandas doing "it"? Do they want the pandas to go
blind, because that will be the first we know of it if they
start to relieve their pent-up desires in an unnatural way, because
the other warning sign, hair on the palms, is a little useless
with pandas. And what about the videos themselves? From what
I am told, the production values of such films are cheap at best,
with cheesy dialogue and bad sets. To subject the poor creatures
to such a horrible experience is beyond the pale.
I just pray that the people of E2 will rise up in outrage when
they learn what these men are doing. I hope that others will
realize that our children will miss out on the pleasure of seeing
a bald eagle shot with a trank gun so that he can be tagged, if
we don't act soon. I just pray it is not too late. | 
