K-mart--KID -N- SwEE tass FUCK all HatERS
Spring is officially in the air.
"I'd paint three of those murals for some of that ass"
And as I read this, R.E.M.'s Be Mine played on my CD player.
There's this girl. I've known her maybe all last semester and this semester. She's really hot. Really, incredibly hot. I'm talking beautiful. As close to a ten as you get. Last semester we knew each other casually, you know, mutual friends, see each other at the bar, that sort of thing. I noticed that she was always sort of flirty with me. "No way," I thought, "this girl is amazingly hot and cool and has her shit all together there's no way she's flirting with me!" (Let me interject here that she's not one of those hootchies who flirts with every peice of meat in sight, like I said she's cool, her flirting is serious "I'm interested in you" flirting (ahhh.. hindsight(and that's foreshadowing)). So this carries on for sometime.
Fast forward to directly after Christmas break. My roommate comes back busting with news. This girls sister lives with his girlfriend in Boston and long story short, ever since she saw me sophomore year (yea three years ago) she's thought I was hot etc... On top of this, she thought I was an asshole because she said "hi" to me on the sidewalk one day and I ignored her. Holy Shit. I figure what probably happened (I don't remember) is that this amazingly hot girl said hi to me and my brain siezed up as it's prone to do in those sorts of situations, leaving me incapable of reply. So anyways, here I am knowing that this amazing cool, hot girl, a girl so perfect for me that I didn't even hope such a woman could exist likes me, and what do I do?
Nothing.
No, wait. Worse than nothing. After finding this out, I would see her around and my ability for thought, speech, movement, would power down. I would be paralyzed like the deer in the headlights. It happened every time I saw her. That's certainly not helping my asshole image, which she has already fought through to make advances!
End of January: Two of my roommates, this girl, and myself make the 6 hour drive to Boston and we all stay at her sisters house together for the weekend. This is what happens: I establish with her sister and her roomates and my roomates that I know she's all about me and I'm all about her (because despite my frequent brain failures, we have gotten to know each other, especially on the car ride), but she and I fail completely to make this known to each other. Like we're in third grade. I take full responsibility because I suck.
But that's not the end of it. Oh no. We come back from Boston both obviously knowing what's going on, but me and her (she really shy too) both unable to bring it into the open. We do lots of hanging out, go to a play together, go on a walk (me on a severly f*ed up ankle, wincing with each step). Lots of things like that. Sounds like we should be dating by now, huh?
It's been two months since then and things have hardly progressed. We hang out more, but I am a fucking hoser. Everytime I think about calling her or seeing her, I get scared shitless. And when I do see her, I can't think. I lose my wit. My humor, my strongest aspect, flies out the window. I can make anyone laugh. But around her I'm like a fucking deacon. "Oh, yes? What you say interests me." I'm thankful I have enough brain running to keep up a rudimentary conversation, or she'd think I was a fucking zombie.
Spring break, last week. We are sitting on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale. It's night, we're watching the clouds roll in with lightning and beauty. Probably the most romantic setting ever. I can't fucking talk. She says "What are you thinking about?" SETTING ME UP. All I have to do is scream "YOU I AM THINKING ABOUT YOU AND YOU'RE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT AND I'M FUCKING SCARED AS SHIT TO TELL YOU AND I DON'T KNOW THE FUCK WHY GODAMMIT (pause for breath) YOU ARE THE MOST INCREDIBLE PERSON I'VE EVER MET (panting)" but what do I say? Some shit about how great vacation is. I suck ass. Big fat donkey ass.
Yep, scared of girls. Or something. Damn it feels good to throw that out there.
It really is amazing what alcohol will make some people do. There are those who go crazy, those who clam-up, and those who act normal when drunk. Alcohol even influences some people without being consumed. Obtaining a fake ID, or having someone illegally buy you alcohol are prime examples of its effects without consumption. However, the oddest non-consumption effect I have ever experienced, was my girlfriend breaking up with me for it.
How a great relationship, that meant the world to me and more, can one day vanish into thin air, is almost beyond my comprehension. I've heard of all the common excuses for a breakup, but this one completely took me by surprise. Looking back on that horrible night when she revealed to me her feelings, I have come to the conclusion that it is indeed alcohol that caused her to end such a wonderful relationship. Being a member of an anti-alcohol and drug group in her school, she had never wanted to try it, and then one day decided that she "had to have it". She immediately quit the group so she wouldn't feel guilty. She broke this news to me that she wanted to go to parties and get drunk and "have fun", so she was "sorry", but she needed to do this for herself to "live life". Now I know that at some point, most people do at least try it, but that's not the problem, the problem is, that she is willing to break my heart over a liquid. To me it seems very immature, and as if getting dumped by the person I love isn't enough, it's over a stupid beverage! The past few weeks have been hard, not only because I was dumped over alcohol, but having to know that literally the next day, and every weekend since, she has gone to crazy parties and gotten wasted, has been excruciating. It is all just so hard to swallow. I have spent many sleepless nights missing the times we had together, while she was out partying.
This experience has shed light as to the real effects that alcohol can have on a person. It has successfully ended one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I miss the one I love so very much, but because of alcohol, I can never again have what has been taken away.
It is in my nature to be an observer. It is in my nature to listen and process information. As of late I have been moving more to the side of action, taking off my ghostly onlooker mantle. At the same time I have not stopped being an observer who listens and processes information.
"Current Events Are Making Me Tense" was the title of a song recorded by Joe King Carrasco and The Crowns in the 1980s. I decided to dredge an old cassette tape out of my dusty collection and listen to the song. It was an upbeat and manic song that touched on events of that day. It reminded me that things have never been perfect but that you can still dance.
In listening to and reading more points of view than I can shake a stick at, I came down to a few very key points that remained after boiling away the rhetoric, pot banging, flag waving, insults, and general bullshit. There are key points made by both those in favor of the current action in Iraq and those who are opposed to it. For the most part, they actually agree on most points, but differ in their approach and how they feel situations need to be handled.
That last point unfurls and winds upwards through the points above. It is much easier to complain and to protest than it is to take action. I remember being involved in protests in the 1980s, when they were not very glamorous or widely covered by the media. Our protests involved careful attention to ongoing government foreign policy, particularly in Central America. At that time it was a case of the government politically and financially supporting very nasty regimes because they were seen as being able to prevent the Soviets from sponsoring communist regimes. Neither side in the Cold War played particularly nice, especially where the "pawns" of Third World nations were concerned. We didn't march or protest out in the streets all that much. Mostly we worked to learn, educate, find groups and political candidates that were "on our side" and support them. We were very active. It was very difficult. I burned out by the end of the 1980s because I just couldn't do it anymore.
The thing was, we had answers, we had suggestions and we had ideas. We didn't just say "This is wrong. Stop and do something else." When we didn't have an answer we went back to the drawing board and tried to come up with one. I was a political science major in college. At one time I was supposed to become a political speechwriter, but the money ran out and life got in the way, so I kind of quit after three years to get a real life education. Someone once told me I had no right to make a political statement because I dropped out of college. Red herrings run amok.
So, is there a solution? First, you have to know what you are protesting against. You can't be protesting against vague notions about right and wrong. There are no solutions to vague notions. There are only more vague notions.
So, why am I against the war in Iraq and the policies surrounding it? Let's keep it simple for the moment. First of all, I am not a pacifist. I believe in peace, but I also support revolution as part of my strong belief in the right of self-determination amongst the people of a nation. I also believe that war is necessary when one country attempts to invade another country because I believe in the right to sovereignty. My very strong stance against current action in Iraq is based on a fairly simple foundation. I believe that a "strike first" pre-emptive war against any country without the support of the rest of the world equals invasion. I believe invasion is wrong, regardless of who or what is in power in that country. I protest the international method of diplomacy exhibited by my president and his advisors. I don't see any method at all other that the "You are either with us or against us" mentality that boils down to, in my opinion, "Do what we say or go fuck yourself." I feel this further agitates an already fragile world balance and brings us closer to chaos. I believe in respecting and listening to all opinions. Name calling and finger pointing do not diplomacy make. I remember taking a class in college called "Comparative Politics" with a professor from India. It was about the differences in political systems in different countries and how culture and other factors impact those differences. During a discussion about the political system in another country, one student asked, "Well, aren't they wrong?" because the ideas presented were so foreign to him. This is a danger I see. That was twenty years ago and we still see too much only from our own point of view.
Solutions? Oh, yeah, that was my point, wasn't it. How do we protect international security, keep dangerous tyrants in check or remove them when necessary, minimize the need for war, and promote international cooperation and friendship?
Build a new international body for the modern age. Easier said than done, but not all answers and ideas are easily put into motion. Politics is a tricky business. Certain nations are very resistant to allowing an international body to meddle in their affairs. The United States is rather famous for it and this gives other countries the impression that we feel we are "above the law." This is a big part of growing international resentment against my country.
Equal and fair representation would be needed. Similar to the United States Congress, I would suggest nations be represented both individually and based on population. I'm sorry, but it is rather absurd for Belize to have the same representation as China. These houses of international representation, both serving to represent nations and their people, would serve as overseers of committees set up to address specific issues. One house would concentrate on the position of the nations and their rulers. The other house would focus on issues of the people of all nations. A Committee on Human Rights, for example, might consist of fifteen representatives selected by the world from represented countries. Those selected by the board would be reviewed by both houses with the requirement being the exposition of a superior record in that area of concern. In our human rights example, those representatives would have to be from countries showing an exemplary track record in human rights over the past twenty years. To go back any further would be absurd. Countries with human rights abuses on their record more than twenty years past who had taken it upon themselves to address the issues and eliminate the problems that brought about those abuses would likely make better representatives. Those who overcome a problem are more likely to know how to deal with that problem. Sort of like the best person to help you overcome alcoholism is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for a long time.
No one would hold this international body hostage with a phantom veto power. All nations would be equal under international law and those who violated international law would face the judgment and wrath of their fellow members. Leaders and governments who violated international law, Saddam Hussein for example, would be subject to a trial at a world court that was overseen by the international body of nations. If he refused to submit to the trial, the international body of nations would have the power to arrest him for contempt of international law and use any means necessary to bring him to trial. That would include the ability to forcibly, by means of war, bring him to stand trial. I would prefer to see an international police force, put into action for this purpose only, detached to Baghdad to bring him to justice while the entire arsenal of the world surrounded his country and demanded that all persons lay down their arms or face invasion by the entire world. This would make it clear that you were protecting your leader, not your country, and that he or she would face a fair trial. Of course, all those who followed and committed atrocities and violations of human rights as part of the regime in question would also be subject to the world court.
Yes, the world court was already brought up and was shot down. The current balance of power in the United Nations favors some nations and is tilted against others. This is why it doesn't work. There is also the problem of certain nations feeling they are by right better than others. My own country would protest China having more population representatives than it had, even though it professes to believe that all men are created equal. I protest against forgetting that. Yet, I do have suggestions and I do have ideas. I've never been much for chanting slogans, especially ones I cannot defend and do not understand.
These are just ideas. From an American point of view. The rest of the world could help shape them into a different flavor. I suggest the U.S. model not because it is the only one I know, but because it gives the U.S. less reason to shoot it down. Something to do with that what's good for the goose is good for the gander business.
Yes, this daylog is way too damned long.
"Once again, the British public is being denied the reality of war." "Images of bandaged children in hospital wards are appearing on TV but you do not see the result of a Tornado's cluster bombing." "You are not being shown children scalped by shrapnel, with legs reduced to bloody pieces of string." -- John Pilger
This morning on AOLIM:
tinahb77: I gave an old lady three dollars today. She looked like my Aunt Thelma or my great grandmother. She only had pennies and dimes in her cup. Her face was so wrinkled. I almost cried. I felt drawn to her.
tinahb77: When I turned around to look at her again, she wasn't there. I hope I wasn't seeing my future. I wonder if she was real?
gjeffb77: Yeah, she was real.
gjeffb77: I don't think she was you.
tinahb77: she was so sad
tinahb77: and dirty. I hope she went off to get food.
tinahb77: She was counting her pennies when I walked up to her. She wasn't even begging
gjeffb77: :-(
tinahb77: we waste so much
tinahb77: we have so much
gjeffb77: I know, I know.
Daniel Patrick Moynihan Dies At 76 Former senator from New York Daniel Patrick Moynihan died yesterday at Washington Hospital Center in Washington, D.C. The cause was due to complications stemming from a ruptured appendix, which was removed at the hospital on March 11, 2003. Moynihan served the government of the United States for more than forty yeas, beginning with terms in the executive branch under John F. Kennedy, then later under Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard M. Nixon, and Gerald Ford. In 1977 he was elected senator in New York and remained in that position until his retirement in 2001. "His four terms in the United States Senate were marked by grace, style and wit but most of all, by effectiveness in office," said former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani. "Senator Moynihan was the very example of what a statesman should be."
Police Hunt For Captor Of Nuns Police are on the lookout for a man suspected in the shooting death of his father and the abduction of two Catholic nuns in Georgia. Officers found human body parts in the car of Adrian O'Neill Robinson, and a short time later the decapitated body of one of the nuns was found in nearby Virginia Beach, Virginia. When the officers discovered the car, Robinson was still driving; after a short car chase, Robinson managed to escape on foot and is still at large. Thirty minutes later, police in nearby Virginia Beach reported finding the body of a mutilated and decapitated woman. Wednesday afternoon, medical examiners identified the body as that of Sister Philomena Fogerty, one of the two kidnapped nuns. The other nun, Sister Lucie Kristofilk, survived the ordeal and was found Tuesday morning at a Norfolk, Virginia hotel.
House Rejects Plans For Amber Alert The House yesterday defeated a Democratic effort to force a vote on the creation of a national alert system to respond to child abductions; Republicans said the program should be part of an anticrime package. On a strict party-line vote of 218 to 198, the Republican-controlled House rejected a parliamentary maneuver that would have allowed separate consideration of a plan to establish an Amber alert system, named for a kidnapped Texas girl. "I cannot understand why Republican leaders insist on blocking the simple, stand-alone Amber bill," said Representative Martin Frost, a Texas Democrat who has been working for House approval of the bill. "I also agree that Amber alert needs to be passed, but I think it's just as important that there be punishment for the abduction of these children," said Representative Sue Myrick, a Republican from North Carolina.
Raids On Baghdad Continue US-led forces countinued an intense air bombardment of Baghdad today as Iraq accused the United States and Great Britain of deliberate attacks on civilians. Iraqi health minister Umeed Madhat Mubarak said that 350 civilians have died in air raids since the conflict began, including 14 killed in yesterday's apparent stray missile strike on a crowded market. "They are targeting the human beings in Iraq to decrease their morale," he said in a news conference. "They are not discriminating, differentiating." Mubarak also accused US-led forces of dropping cluster bombs on civilian targets. "In Najaf, they destroyed a medical centre," he said. "They bombed an ambulance and killed its driver." The US denies intentionally targeting the market.
Blair, Bush To Meet About Iraq's Future One week into a war that has deeply divided world opinion, the next round of the diplomacy concerning Iraq kicks off on Thursday when US and British leaders thrash out plans for its post-conflict future. In their first summit since the attack, United States president George W. Bush and Great Britain's prime minister Tony Blair will meet at Camp David to discuss military planning, humanitarian relief, and the reconstruction of Iraq. Another major issue is the future role of the UN, which the United States is not strongly interested in as a diplomatic forum for discussing the future of Iraq, especially since the war with Iraq is racking up a large price tag, both in dollars and in lives.
19 Dead In Chinese Bus Crash Nineteen people burned to death when a Chinese bus overturned and caught fire in a remote area of Kyrgyzstan. "There were 19 people in the Chinese-made bus, including the driver," a Kyrgyz Emergencies Ministry duty officer told Reuters. "The bus caught fire, and all of them burnt." The double-decker passenger bus was bound for Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan, when the bus overturned in the remote Naryn region in the Tien Shan mountains. The cause of the accident is not yet known.
California Demands Rebate From BC Hydro Powerex, a subsidiary of BC Hydro, is still owed $100 million by California for electricity it sold during a crisis that caused rolling blackouts over six days. However, US energy regulators said yesterday that they will increase the $1.8 billion in refunds due to the state from Powerex (and other energy providers) for overcharging in 2000 and 2001 after calculating the cost of natural gas price fixing. The net result: Powerex may instead owe the state money. The semi-deregulated energy industry in California is being blamed for the situation, where businesses are trying to take advantage of a large need for public service. "The free-enterprise system goes hand in hand with a responsibility to see that the playing field is level and everyone plays fair," federal commission chairman Pat Wood III said in a statement.
Senate Approves FY 2004 Budget The Senate approved a $2.2 trillion budget for FY 2004 yesterday, which includes a more than 50% reduction in the $726 billion tax cut that President George W. Bush wants to rally the stagnant economy. The Republican-controlled chamber used a mostly party-line 56-44 roll call to approve the fiscal blueprint, which endorses just $350 billion of the president's planned tax cuts through 2013. The final say on the exact tax cut figure will come when House and Senate bargainers agree to a compromise budget, as the House last week already passed a budget that included the entire $726 billion tax cut.
Stocks Declining On Weak War News Stocks have mostly fallen back this week amid concerns that the war in Iraq will take longer than anticipated, posing a threat to an already shaky economic recovery. The news on the economic recovery was also weak, as very sluggish economic data was released this week by the Treasury Department. The net result is a market full of anxious investors that are willing to dump stocks to cut losses, and thus results often in a much lower stock market. To compound the bad news, the Commerce Department said fourth-quarter gross domestic product, a measure of all the goods and services produced in the U.S., rose at an unrevised 1.4% annual rate, down from 4% in the third quarter. Though expected by the market, the number is still quite weak.
Neanderthals Shown To Have Nimble Human-Like Hands New evidence suggests that Neanderthals were not the clumsy cave dwellers once thought, as new computer simulations show they were as nimble-fingered as their human cousins. Although Neanderthal tools were not as complex as those of our human ancestors, the virtual modelling shows Neanderthals were just as capable of manipulating the raw materials used. Simple clumsiness, therefore, is unlikely to be part of the reason for their sudden extinction 30,000 years ago. This revises much of the thinking about the logic for the development of humans compared to their Neanderthal ancestors, greatly reducing the clarity of the reasons for Neanderthal extinction and human survival.
The Salam Pax Mystery A writer and architect from Iraq who kept a blog continually updated on the growing crisis in the country has fallen silent, leaving many to wonder where exactly he has gone. His website, http://www.dearraed.blogspot.com, has received a tremendous amount of activity, especially since the hostilities with Iraq have boiled over into outright war. His final messages indicate that the city of Baghdad had entered into a very chaotic period, and then the log goes dark, leaving many to wonder what happened to the fellow. "Other than what he tells us, we have no way of knowing if he's actually posting live from Baghdad or is running some elaborate hoax from the middle of Kansas," Web designer Jason Kottke said.
Hubble Watches Light From Star Echo In Space In January 2002, a dull star in an obscure constellation suddenly became 600,000 times more luminous than our Sun, temporarily making it the brightest star in our Milky Way galaxy. Although this star has long since faded, the light produced by the mysterious star is still reverberating to Earth in an echo-like fashion, according to a paper to appear in today's Nature. These details promise to provide astronomers with a CAT-scan-like probe of the three-dimensional structure of shells of dust surrounding an aging star. The echo is caused by light echoing off circumstellar dust in the Milky Way, creating the ability to carefully re-analyze the star's strange nova-like effect.
New Water Treatment Process Developed A new technique for treating and purifying wastewater has been proposed, which could potentially spare penny-pinching municipalities some of the great cost of handling the post-treatment sludge. The new technique, called activated magnetic sludge process, was described yesterday for the first time at the 225th national meeting of the American Chemical Society in New Orleans, Louisiana. The treatment involves adding magnetite to the sludge; the bacteria in the sludge consume the magnetite, then when magnetic force is applied to the sludge, the bacteria are pulled out of the sludge, thus reducing the amount of waste as the bacteria can be reused. The procedure could reduce the sludge by as much as five tons a day for a plant that serves 100,000 people.
Maryland Nurse Dies After Receiving Smallpox Vaccine Federal health officials said yesterday that they are investigating whether the fatal heart attack of a Maryland nurse is related to the smallpox vaccination she received last month. This investigation is in conjunction with a second case in which a woman also received a vaccination that was followed shortly by a heart attack; the second victim is on life support. In total, seven people immunized in the two months since the program began in Maryland have experienced cardiac-related problems, leaving many to question the safety of the vaccine itself.
"Thorpedo" Breaks Records In Return To Competition After a break from competition, a run of less-than-stellar finishes, and a change in coach, it was widely viewed in the swimming world that Ian Thorpe may perhaps have his best days behind him. However, in his return to competition at the Australian national swim meet, in a new event for him, the 200 meter individual medley, Thorpe broke the Australian Commonwealth record by 0.15 seconds, reducing the record to two minutes and 00.11 seconds. Thorpe is also planning on competing in the 200, 400, and 800 meter freestyle events, for all of which he has world records, at the Australian nationals, which are ongoing.
Hughes Falls Short In Early Rounds Of World Skating Championships Sarah Hughes gave perhaps the worst performance of her career yesterday in the qualifying rounds of the World Figure Skating Championships, looking like a mere shell of the girl who won Olympic gold thirteen months ago. Hughes botched her short program badly, as she fell while trying to execute a triple flip, reduced two triple jumps to single jumps, and almost fell while executing routine footwork. The finish left her in 11th place overall in the competition, although the short program only counts for 20% of the total score. "There's always something you can make an excuse over, but I'm a strong competitor and I have a strong mind," said Hughes, who received marks as low as 4.7. "It's OK. It's only one program. I have two more. I think I'll have something inside of me to have that extra go."
Snoop Doggy Dogg Faces Lawsuit For Use Of Phone Message In Song Rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg is facing a lawsuit from an unidentified man because of Snoop's use of a recorded phone message from the individual in a song that primarily focused on taunting rap mogul Suge Knight. The track, entitled Pimp Slapp'd, appears on Snoop's most recent album, Paid the Cost to be Tha Boss. The track primarily seeks to continue Snoop's long running feud with Knight, founder of Death Row Records, and the recorded message used in the song expresses support for Snoop in this feud. However, the anonymous man is now afraid for his own safety due to Knight's known association with gangs and his reputation as "a burly, convicted felon."
Ono Claims "Lennon Would've Slammed Blair, Bush" Yoko Ono, an ardent campaigner for peace and the widow of legendary musician John Lennon, spoke in Liverpool, England yesterday where John Lennon's childhood home was officially being opened to the public. "I'm sure John would have been terribly upset" about the war, if he were still alive, Ono told BBC radio. "And I'm sure that he would have expressed his anger and told them off", she said, referring to Bush and Blair, about "how stupid it is to go through this. As Gandhi said, 'An eye for an eye will make us all blind'."
My significant other and I are busy trying to select a song for our wedding reception. We've reduced our list to about nine candidates, but we need to pare these down very quickly, as time is running short. If you have any input, let me know; either in terms of new candidates similar to these or one of these you see as particularly appropriate. Neither one of us are particularly into the When A Man Loves A Woman Michael Bolton type of thing. Here are the candidates, along with some brief commentary:
59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy) - Simon and Garfunkel We're both Simon and Garfunkel fans and the song somewhat matches our personalities, but it will be somewhat difficult to dance to; the song isn't very rhythmically suited for it.
One - U2 The message and rhythm of this one are spot-on, but it may not entirely fit from a lyrical sense.
In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins Much like One, the message and rhythm of this one are spot-on, but it may not entirely fit from a lyrical sense. The best man at our ceremony particularly liked this choice when it was mentioned to him.
Golden Years - David Bowie I think this may be delayed until one of our anniversaries, however.
I'm In Love With A Big Blue Frog - Peter, Paul, and Mary Our sense of "fun" is strongly encouraging us to pick this one.
Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes - Paul Simon We both like this song greatly, but it is difficult to dance to for a first dance at a wedding reception.
Fields of Gold -
