| It was a dark and stormy night. The lab report sat there in Microsoft Word, unfinished, glaring at me. As midnight came and went, I knew I needed chemical assistance. But what could be strong enough to keep an overworked teenager alert long enough to finish the massive paper? The answer, of course, is Liquid Productivity, a tasty beverage containing enough caffeine to kill a horse...or motivate a 16-year-old.
Recipe for Liquid Productivity:
Ingredients:
-Lots of very cold water
-Lots of boiling water
-Two or more teabags
-Lots of sugar
-Two or more No Doz tablets
-Instant coffee crystals (optional and untested)
-A coin (nickel-size or larger)
-Two glasses (the beverage kind)
-One large mug
-One coffee filter
-One rubber band
Procedure:
1. Crush the No Doz tablets into a fine powder with the coin and mix with very cold water (use approximately 1/2 oz. per No Doz tablet).
2. Stir the mixture thoroughly.
3. Place the coffee filter over the mouth of one of the glasses and hold it in place with a rubber band.
4. Moisten the coffee filter slightly with plain cold water.
5. Pour the No Doz solution into the coffee filter and wait until all the liquid has filtered through.
6. Place at least two teabags in a mug and add about 7 oz boiling water.
7. Allow the tea to steep for a few minutes.
8. Pour the filtered No Doz solution (it should be grayish, murky, and extraordinarily bitter) into the tea and stir well.
9. Add a sizable amount of sugar to the magical enhanced tea (at least 1/8 cup).
10. Add a few teaspoons of instant coffee crystals (optional and untested).
11. Drink the disturbing solution and wait for the productivity to begin!
Minimum caffeine yield: 500 mg/8 oz. serving
NOTE: PRODUCTIVITY MAY BE ACCOMPANIED BY SHAKING, NERVOUSNESS, INSOMNIA, UPSET STOMACH, HEART PALPITATIONS, HYPERACTIVITY, PARANOIA, IRRITABILITY, RESTLESSNESS, DELUSIONS, AND/OR CHEST PAIN.
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