Everything Day Logs Yesterday | Tomorrow
JeffMagnus node count: 3814 (0 new since June 29, 2000) JeffMagnus experience: 6866 (8 more since June 29, 2000) JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 1.800 XP per node JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.646% JeffMagnus node of the day: Everything 2 Civil War
woohoo...existential crisis number, well lets say 312 should do it. It's a big number, a fun chunky number. An underestimation.
Today: is I don't know WTF to do day. I'll try to put it down to the whole 'cancer is baaad' not smoking thing, but I'll fail.
Options:
There is a real problem with 'one day at a time'. Anyway, this crappy node made me feel better. That, and starving children.
It's not like me to slip into silence at every opportunity, to avoid the eyes of everyone I pass. I mumble half-answers to important questions, I sit on the dark end of the couch while my friends giggle and laugh beside me. I leave early, stuttering something about being tired , so I can go home to sit on my bed and shiver because I like the feeling of cold against my skin. Even better is the all-over warmth when I jump under my blankets wearing a big t-shirt and rejection pants. I don't feel like eating because it involves contact with something other than myself; I guess digestion is a bit too much like the conversations I am avoiding, or maybe it's my own way of making myself less visible.
Normally I love the sound of a human voice, but today I just want them all to go away. I mean, I still love them and all, and I know that they love me, but I don't really want to be acknowledged. Well, maybe I do. Fuck, I really have no idea what I want! It's tiring, this whole extrovert thing. I don't know if I'm quite cut out for it.
Okay, I awoke this morning after having not slept much the night before (staying up on E2 and early morning phone calls didn't help either) and talked to my boss' assistant who had no idea what she was doing, but wanted to confirm my work schedule. I played guitar for about 45 minutes or so, messing around with my guitar processor, rearranging the effects and creating some new ones. My cousin came over and we talked for awhile. Today was my day off, so I was planning to spend the day with my girlfriend, but unfortunately she wasn't treating me very nicely over the phone and I pondered just staying home. I decided that because it was my day off I didn't want to waste it, so I called some other friends who wanted to do stuff as well and got us all together with my girlfriend (My friends acted as a buffer so I wouldn't have to spend to much time with my girlfriend). Two of my friends, my girlfriend, the exchange student from France living with my girlfriend, and I went to a park and hung out for a long time and waded around in a kiddie pool. Okay, so I did that alone while they watched, but that's okay. Afterwards we took one friend home because he had play rehearsal and the rest of us went out for cake. We all then went to my girlfriend's house and lied on her hall floor and talked. By this time I was no longer annoyed with my girlfriend. Earlier she had made me feel taken for granted, etc. but by this time we were getting along better. We had dinner there and later we all went home.
It probably seems like I don't belong with this girlfriend, but actually we get along great and we are best friends. Every once in awhile she can start taking advantage of me (especially because I drive her everywhere), but normally we get along great. We've been going out for around 19 months and love each other greatly.
Well, that's all for tonight. Goodnight.
About a month ago, at the long awaited end of a death march project, I was going through the mound of snail mail on my table. I carefully set aside all of the pleading mail from charities. I then separated this into two piles: donate and shred.
Before proceeding, I went to the fridge and got a Coke and three (3) slices of cheddar cheese. I then went through the donate pile, writing cheques¹ and filling in tiny forms and licking envelopes.
When I finished about 15 minutes later, I had two (2) slices of cheddar cheese. I couldn't remember eating any ... so ... I suspect that some poor volunteer, somewhere, got a cheque¹ for $25 and a slice of cheese. And given Canada Post's speed, likely a moldy slice, too.
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Slept in, showered, went to work, on the bus I realised that I forgot my access card, decided to go back home and get it, just caught the bus back, picked up the card, checked the mail, went to work, had lunch, prepered for vacation, had a smoke, thought about coffee, noded, thought about Canada Day which is tomorrow. Noded it.
During my time of silence, things at my company have gone very poorly. Basically we have one shot to sell it (there's another company interested in acquiring assets and people pretty much limited to the department I founded) or it will go bankrupt. We're out of money a week from today and the negotiations are clunky. I'm not sure what's going to happen... but somehow I'm keeping calm.
Oddly enough, during this time of corporate uncertainty we moved! Whereas we were once devided between our original offices in lovely Lynnwood Washington and our spiffy new offices in downtown Seattle - we are now all concentrated in Seattle. I like it much better down here as I can walk to work.
I'm in the midst of reading Lord of The Rings for the fourth time in 18 months. I've also just picked up Watership Down for the first time and am really enjoying it.
Now the whole family is wearing glasses and/or contacts. I am loving my new sunglasses. SO nice for my walks.
Not many quail have survived the heat. During one walk I spotted a quail and chick crossing the road. With a car approaching I stopped gave chase to the abandoned fella. The small ball of fluff seemed to float above the ground till it finally toppled over. I set it gently in the scrub and heard the adult quail give a small click . The driver of the car was amazed that the dog with me heeled so well along as we made circles and figure-eights trying to round up the chick. I had taken for so much for granted that my dog would deny prey instincts and trust me. Be aware of wonder .
After a second air conditioner failed at hubby's work they closed the restaurant for a few hours and finally have it up and running.
Number One Son has received two honors by mail this week. One for Who's Who Among American High School Students and the second one from The Dean's List they have a website www.honoring.com The second award will have his biography published and placed in the University he plans to attend next year. Hopefully, this will lead to some scholarships.
Number Two Son is starting his second session of summer school in spanish. I asked him the other night how old he was and he said he was 89, oh well,it'll make sense to him soon. He picked up his Collector's Edition of Diablo II and now it's been a real challenge for us to divide our time online.
No news is good news on the most recent blood tests. Vision checked out great 100% on peripheral vision. The Optometrist warned me though that it has been recently discovered that this type of tumor could (but rarely) causes double vision. The quest for a job continues. While they are setting up the neurological tests I'm supposed to be thinking about what kind of job I would like. They will hire an employment agency to make sure that my employer understands what I may need to do the job well and make the transition smoother. I really could have used that help when I worked for PetSmart. I am looking forward to making new friends and some money to help pay for my sons'college educations.
It's been so long since we've been out to celebrate the 4th of July. Maybe I'l persuade them that it's an early birthday party for me I'm hoping we can stop by the hubby's store for dinner and some time with him and then head out to the fireworks. The city orchestra will be playing the 1812 Overture for the Grand Finale and there will be three legged races along with pie eating contests.
Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come. - 2 Corinthians 5:17 (TEV)
Devotion
Well there's nothin' else to bitch about. I suppose... Gonna get to go off roading today. Guess we'll see how that goes.
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