Everything Day Logs Yesterday | Tomorrow
JeffMagnus node count: 3818 (1 new since July 2, 2000) JeffMagnus experience: 6890 (5 more since July 2, 2000) JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 1.805 XP per node JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.643% JeffMagnus node of the day: Everything 2 Civil War
Action: I went out for a walk today and saw a cute little rabbit in a field. Something chemicaly goes wrong in my head when I see something like a furry woodland critter--the inhibitors that would normally stop an imbecilic outburst do not get produced. I think it's my convulted version of tourette's syndrome. I couldn't stop myself. The surrounding landscape echoed back my childishly high-pitched cry of "BUNNYYYYYY!!!!!"
It looked broken, as if I had somehow perverted its marvelous innocence.
It ran away. I made it run away.
Why do all the pretty things always run away from me?
I suppose this would be tolerable if I were having a normal time of things... but I am not. In fact this is an extremely abnormal time. The dissolution of the company I helped found... all of this strange free time in between intense due diligence by prospective buyers. I've met a couple of cool new people...
But I can't write about any of it. Not in the manner I normally do... the tradition I've formed is on hold.
The result is that I've become a bit a-emotional. Perhaps stunned... like too much toxic residue is forming in me. I've taken to walking everywhere rather than driving. I've probably put 15 miles on my shoes since last Wednesday. That has helped... If I can't write at least I've had the extra time to think.
Kessenich: Thanks for the feedback. The discrete things I'm experiencing aren't soul-rending bad - they're nasty but tolerable. It's the combinationh of events and not being able to hold a pen and scratch them out into my tomes that makes this so trying. They're unexercised... laying about inside me. Gnawing.
I do notice the other walkers. I don't think I will join them ultimately. The cast is off in a little more than a week. Then I'll do much writing.
To put this in a bit of perspective I'll let on that I've been keeping a journal since I was 12. Now I'm 27 so that makes for 15 years of it. Since around the age of 18 I've been writing at least once a day - often two and three times a day. I can't remember the last time there was even a one-week break in my journaling. If I misplace a book for a while or leave my backpack somewhere, I usually just pry open a new book and consolidate the writing later.
Today I have to get my car stereo taken care of. The connection to the battery (I think) is flaky, so sometimes it works, but more often it doesn't. There's been enough 'quiet time' lately. Actually, I'll just devote today to my car: wash it, wax it, treat the leather. Sing to it. Nuzzle it. Whatever. My car doesn't tell me that we're incompatible (of course, there's a lot that it doesn't do....) I also have to take it to the mechanic this week.
Sorry to give off these negative vibes, but I think that today is going to suck about as much as yesterday.
Back to IPX.
update
I didn't do a damn thing with my car except drive it home from work. What the hell did I do, anyway...I read more of my book Secondhand, watched The Holy Grail on DVD (I told him we already had one), and got some action!. So it didn't suck at all.
Mmm ... my first entry in this daily spill of brains.
All in all it should be a normal day in the life of a part time college student, e-entrepreneur and enjoyer of life :-)
See ya tomorrow.
Greetings fellow noders. I've finally decided to plunge head-first into Everything, and not only increase the ratio of nodes I've noded to nodes I've read, which is currently very low, but write day logs as well. So here we are.
Today I plan to:
Ideally I'd also finalise the summer job with a potential employer writing Perl to make a web page run by the company more dynamic, but while he says he wants to employ me, and the sort of money I asked for looked okay (he asked me how much he should pay me!), he is doing approximately nothing with relation to me, and I don't know how much he'll actually pay me, or when I'll start. Grrrr!
Looking back at what I wrote this morning, I think I didn't do much today at all. However, while I don't get to tick off any of those bullet points, I did I did lots of useful stuff too. I drove to Perth (the Scottish, not the Australian one), my nearest useful town and back without doing anything stupid. You never know, I might get round to getting a test soon, then pass. Anyway, while I was there I bought three shirts and a pair of trousers for the bargain price of £50. Very good quality too.
I bought other stuff too, of course - a VISA card makes it so easy to spend. Oh, and I closed a bank account, moving some money into another branch. It seemed to be more troublesome than it probably should have been; it's not really in their interests to streamline the process, is it? Well, to be fair, they were quite helpful after all.
Other people probably never go sober to work, but to me it was a virginal experience. Even though I felt totally giddy, the day started out quite normal and when I entered the office my colleagues were talking their usual monday morning nonsense as if they didn't realize they had been talking the same bullshit for 20,000 monday mornings in a row now. Oh, how lovely their little shrieks when they saw me - a thousand dancing seagulls welcoming me to the flock - and oh, how cheerful their questions about my weekend and how witty my reply which seemed hilarious to me at that moment but can't have been more than a simple ''t was fine'. Now normally, when I'm high or stoned, I get those really neat philosophical thoughts but this time all I could think of were James Brown lyrics, of which I suddenly understood the intellectual depth and beauty (I moaned on the melody of `make it funky' once or twice, but I don't think anyone noticed). Things got out of hand when a customer named D. Man called, and I actually started telling the guy about everything2.com and oh, oh, such a coincidence for we had a noder called DMan, hee-hee, such a coincidence, coincidence, coincidence! When the customer ended the phone call I suddenly felt totally relaxed and careless and when other customers called I just listened to them saying `Hello? Anyone there?' untill I got tired of the game and pulled out the plug. It was about then that Bones said something like `Bill Gates has died !! No shit!!' in the chatterbox and I thought to myself `If Gates is dead, then what the fuck am I doing here?' and I shut down my NT workstation and walked away, out of the office, forgetting my coat.
I wish I would have learned something about life, mental strength or infinity today, but I'm not even sure I learned anything about the effect drugs have on me. The one thing I did learn is never to trust anything said in the chatterbox again, something I should have figured out months ago.
Oh papa! He's doing the Jerk Papa...he's doing the Jerk He's doing the twist ... just like this, He's doing the Fly ev'ry day and ev'ry night The thing's....like the Boomerang. Hey....come on Hey! Hey.....come on Hey! Hey....he's pu tight...out of sight... Come on. Hey! Hey!
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It's quiet in my room this late at night, only the gentle hum of my computer, the occasional woosh of a passing car. And, of course, my own labored, slightly heavy breathing, accented by the staccato pounding of my heart.
Idly, I wonder if this is what it's like to be shell shocked. Perhaps, I reflect, I should have gone to see some movie other than The Patriot. After all, I saw Chicken Run on Saturday, and it didn't leave me feeling like this.
I don't want to give away any of the movie, but I doubt that anyone will be suprised to hear that there's a good deal of death in it. It's quite graphic in some spots, but there was one death that bothered me a great deal, because the character bore a very striking resemblence to someone I know and used to have very strong feelings for.
Well, now that I've written this, I've calmed down a bit, and I think I'm finally in a position to get some sleep. I'll just keep telling myself "It's not real. it's only a movie. It's not real. It's..."
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