He's sitting next to her pulling on his bottom
lip. He's away in some other place without her again.
She never says anything
when he makes her feel this alone, only stares at his contemplation and wonders
if she even has a walk-on role somewhere in his
head. She doesn't want
to know, really. It's ego shattering enough to know that he's two people
sometimes and the Other doesn't seem to want to know her name.
She's so used to him now that it's difficult to hate the Other. He can be fun at times, although absent-minded,
frustrating and self-absorbed. It's infuriating when she has to repeat herself
even when he's looking right at her - where does he go?
He goes away and she can see the shift in his eyes, not really a glaze, but a
loss of focus. Both eyes stare straight ahead as if he's looking through her
at the stars: she's invisible. She feels like a ghost, rattling chains
to get his attention. Who does he see? What is he looking at?
Those questions are useless. She knows that he's not even using his eyes, or
ears, or any other sense.
She turns his head get his attention - angry, right in his face - LISTEN
TO ME!
His vacant smile frightens her. She doesn't know what he sees, but
sometimes it makes his face beautiful - it makes her love both of him
despite the fear.
She learned early on who holds her hand
by the way he plays with her fingers or rubs the back of her
hand with his thumb, or crushes it in his alien
grasp. She realized that his thoughts scream so loudly
they drown the
din in his ears and silence the voice she loves. He listens, stares
forward, and laughs at something: he might never share what it is. He speaks aloud, from still silence,
fragments of some conversation that goes on in his head and she forces him to tell her.
"Go back to the start and tell me the whole thing."
Both of him love to tell stories, and sometimes the
Other goes away at the end of a tale, leaving only the One who makes her
smile.
This is why she stays. This is the One who makes her smile. Hello?
Is anybody in there?
She wonders if the Other will ever go away, step out of their lives with a
handshake and a goodbye. She knows that she'd only be left with his secrets, some picture and silence.
At least, this way, she can hold his hand.
She imagined leaving him but threw it away. She'll never get
over the color of his eyes.
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