| I am full of pretense, I am an empty front,
trembling within. Don't be fooled by the
way I hold myself, the way I talk, the firm
tilt of my head. I am lost, I know
nothing.
I am fumbling my way through this life, a
tangle of conflicting desires and random
decisions, tripping over my feet in haste
to get there from here. Are you lost,
little girl? Oh, and how. There is never
a point that you get to and say: Today is
the day. I am here. There is always somewhere
else, always another target, and when you get
there the goal has been
moved, or it wasn't the goal at all.
It happens like that, I make my awkward way from
one day to the next, sometimes just waking and
breathing takes all my effort and concentration,
sometimes I need to move all day and I can't outpace
my thoughts. It happens.
I don't understand much of what's going on, I have
to learn how to sit, and let things happen; I have
to remember that I'm not supposed to understand,
I have to concentrate on my balance, I am not going
to fall, I am still so lost, I am still confused, I
am still doubtful, but I'll manage somehow, because
everyone else seems to be okay, and I don't want to
crumple behind my facade.
| 
