I am scared

created by juliet

(idea) by juliet (11.7 mon) (print) ? (I like it!) 1 C! Sat Mar 18 2000 at 21:21:51

I am frightened to death, and I can't stand to admit it. I fear being alone for the rest of my life. I am scared that I am just going to wind up fading into the grey. I know I am a romantic at heart, but I know I can survive on my own. I fear I will fail trying to live a life, in which I remain true to myself and independent, where a man isn't my destiny - but a choice. I am scared to age physically, when men will stop flirting with me, and see me as being worth much less. Will I become a pathetic hermit, similar to the main charchter in Notes From the Underground, aware, perceptive, and unloved? I am scared that I will become a nuisance, or burden to my friends. I am terrified that no one will ever look at me attentively, or lovingly again. I fear that when I talk about my life, my experiences, my mistakes .. that they are only curious about my life because it is such a drama, and not because they want to get to know who I am. I am scared that I already had the great love of my life, and that the rest will just be me pathetically hoping and dreaming, until I get so destroyed from constant slams in the face that I just become to tired to dream.

(idea) by pyrite504 (4.2 y) (print) ? (I like it!) 1 C! Wed Apr 26 2000 at 21:28:50

I used to think I would wear my emotions on the outside my entire life, not giving a shit at all what anyone has ever thought about what they saw in or though about me. Then I hit 14. Funny how things change so quickly, and you learn to conform.

And now, I see the whole universe I have built up to cover the inner me falling apart. A moment of weakness. A moment of trust in someone who didn't deserve it. My defense broken by a kiss. And then the flow of inner emotions that poured out of me and onto her. And she was overwhelmed. And then she was gone.

Once again, I am wondering if I will ever share myself with another human being, let them see the inner me. Can anyone truly handle it?

printable version
chaos

Love is touching souls, surely you touched mine	The day I realized what being alive was	Why I am neurotic about love	I was supposed to be somebody by the age of 23
Am I insane, or is it just wishful thinking?	Stale, preconceived notions about the way women feel about sex	The more I adore you, the more I fear failure in your eyes	Notes from the Underground
The morning after	laparoscopic cholecystectomy	silicosexual	Sylvia Plath
short duration love	I am not afraid of you any more	Why are you sad?	Because I dig you
manic-depression	Nathan, This Is Unacceptable	The Story That Is Still Being Written	conform
princess	Who am I now that you're gone?	All dressed in silence, I stared and lived the morning	smell

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