| As a big dork, I have become adept at recognizing the signs and trends that indicate that a girl will never have sex with you. Under these circumstances, if you make any indication that you would like it otherwise, if you tip your hand, you will never see her again. Most people who aren't as paranoid as I am when it comes to relationships are not familiar with these signs. I am here to help ruin your confidence and show you just how the woman of your dreams is likely to act if you ever meet her. Enjoy!
- She spends time with you, but only if it's very convenient for her.
- She sits next to you, but only when she likes everybody else a little less.
- If there's an activity she enjoys doing, like jogging or working out, she does it with you. However, she politely declines most forms of follow-up activity, like going back to your house for a drink or stopping for some lunch.
- She talks a lot about other guys that she's been hanging out with, talking to, and/or fucking.
- You're hanging out with her and she sees a guy she kind of knows, gives him her number, and tells you about how excited she is to spend some time with him.
- You try to kiss her and she kicks you in the balls.
- You give her a ride home, she hugs you goodnight, and then she kicks you in the balls.
- She has sex with you and then she calls the cops.
- She kicks you in the balls.
Hopefully this list will come in handy for those guys out there who keep getting kicked in the balls and don't know why. | 
