How to answer a telephone

1. Different Languages: Saying hello in a different language is always be fun, here's a list o a few you can try:
- French: Allo?
- German: Hallo (easy enough, eh? ...apparently not! according to BurningTongues, Germans don't say hallo, they say their last name, or Ja bitte. Colour me misinformed.)
- Italian: Pronto! (Contributed by Miles_Dirac)
- Japanese: Moshi moshi (not Mushi mushi, thanks to numerous corrections ;)
- Spanish: Hola
- Finnish: Haloo? (Contributed by WWWWolf ..again, Finnish people will announce their last name or even full name when they pick up the phone, according to vuo).
- Mandarin Chinese Hwei? or Hui? ( depending on how you Romanize it. Thanks for addition blaff)
- Ebonics: Yo yo yo yo, Whuddup G-dawg?

2. Practical Jokes: Having a little fun is always good! One of my fave's is to pick up the phone, breathe heavily, then after a few momnets, ask what they're wearing. If you're going to try this one out, you might want to invest in a called-ID box first though; There's no need for your boss to find out you're a freak ;P

3. Sing to Them: One of the most fun is to serenade the caller with a medley of your choice.

4. Quote Movies: "What's your favorite Scary movie?" always works well >;-)

Finally..

5. Make Up Names: For instance, when I'm playing Quake, and someone calls, i answer: "WarMachine's Frag Shack," or if I'm feeling like a jerk, I'll answer "Pizza Hut," or something of that fashion. It's great to hear your friends stutter and mumble when they think they're got the wrong number but were SURE they dialed the correct one :P (a caller ID box is a great asset with this one too.)

Well, have fun.. and play safe.... OR ELSE!

(In Sniffy-nosed telephone lady voice) "You have dialled a non-existent number. Please try again, and next time don't be so clumsy. This is a recorded announcement."

On Jack Dee's stand-up video he tells the audience how his phone number is one digit away from the local Indian takeaway... eventually he got so sick of answering calls that he started taking the orders.

Pretending to be your answering machine is a good one. Also, if you make the effort, you can make your answering machine pretend to be you:
"Hello? (pause) Yeah. Yeah, listen, I don't know if you know, but... maybe you should leave a message instead of just talking to the machine." beep! This happened to me with a mate's mobile phone... the sad thing is that it fooled me twice before I twigged.

Y'see, before we got our PBX, each line rang independently of one another. If line 1 was busy, line 2 would ring. But since line 2 was unpublished, it only rang if line 1 was busy... or if it was a wrong number.

So I was working late one night, and line 2 started ringing. I picked it up and said, "Hello, wrong number department!"

Pause. "What?"

"This is the wrong number department, sir. When people dial a wrong number, we pick up to let them know."

"Oh. Right. Uh, thanks." *click*

And people wonder why I sometimes work late...

for example

"Dummkopf hier."

or simply

"Dummkopf."

Hello. You've reached the psychiatric hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1. Repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you suffer from Multiple personality disorder, please press 3,4 and 5.
If you are delusional, the voices in your head will tell you what to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter what you press - no one gives a damn.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want - please hold on the line while your call is being traced.

There must have been more entries - please node them or /msg me to complete this node.