| Disclaimer: I do not know the medical risks associated with doing this. I only know that
I'm not dead yet and I've grossed out a hell of a lot of people.
What am I talking about?
The goal is to stick a piece of spaghetti into your nose and have it come out your mouth, so that one end of it is sticking out of you nose, the other, like a piece of driftwood on the ocean that is your undulating tongue, out your mouth. Once this state is achieved you have to pull it back and fourth, 'flossing' your nose.
Where and When:
For your first time, do this in the safety of your own home, maybe while alone. Once you're comfortable with doing it, you are ready to show off and impress your peers. Start small. A few of your best friends should be the first to usher you into your career as a spaghetti-nose-flosser. This is most fun at parties (yes, even dinner parties, where spaghetti may be more readily available). Be sure to get everyone's attention before doing this. Have a stage presence. I find it's best to start by not revealing what your intentions are and just simply remarking "Want to see something cool? Get me some spaghetti."
This is what you need to know:
The spaghetti (or similarly shaped pasta stuffs) must be fairly malleable but not fully cooked; half cooked if you will. It takes a few tries to get it just right. I put on a pot of water with some spaghetti and periodically check the doneness of it until I like it. I once, and only once, used a not quite cooked enough piece and discovered that it broke off inside the deep recesses of my nose. After announcing loudly "Oh my God, it's stuck," I calmed myself and rested for a moment, assessing the situation. I exhaled sharply though my nose, forcing out one of several bits. I had to repeat this several times and line up all the bits next to an unmolested piece to see if I had indeed expelled the full length of the spaghetti. This is not a fun thing if is you it is happening to, although my sister seemed to think it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen. On the flip side, a too-cooked piece will result in, well; it's like shooting pool with a rope. It has to have a bit of structure for to feed it in and down.
DO NOT BURN THE INSIDE OF YOUR NOSE.
I can only imagine (no, I have not put a scalding hot piece of spaghetti into my nose) that it would be worse than burning your tongue. If it is all right to put in your mouth, it's all right for you nose (this is not true of many things in life, so be careful, and know the stretch limit of your nostrils). If you cannot stand the anticipation of letting it air-cool, run it under cool water first. However, cold spaghetti in the nose is very unpleasant. Not to worry; with experience comes a better feel for what is right and what is not.
The Gag Reflex
You must ignore it. You must learn to get past it. Do not puke. If you take it slow, you will learn to overcome it. Once you are skilled at this, pretending to feel the effects and exaggerating them will produce a more entertaining/gross show for observers.
Once the spaghetti has successfully been fed to the back of your nose and into your throat, you may need to stick your finger back there to pull it out and towards the light of day. This is mainly where the gag reflex comes to a head with your finger. I would not recommend using anything other than your finger. One part of the body knows what the other parts are doing and it is easier to manipulate a finger than say, a sharp pointed object.
Now that you have one end sticking out your nose and the other end sticking out your mouth, grasp each end with your fingers and pull back and forth in a flossing motion.
Once you are fully satisfied that your work is done, let go of one end and pull it out. I personally like to pull it out through the nose, it has a greater effect on those watching, especially if you shut one eye and make it seem like you are having trouble, as if the spaghetti is resisting, slowly pulling it out, wincing in pain. The finishing touch, which works best if you have just pulled it out your nose, is to EAT IT. Enjoy it. Derive sexual pleasure from it. It's the little things that count when recalling your performance.
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