Dear, there's a sphenisciform at the door

I'd originally thought of writing a penguin metanode. But, of course, one second with the search box will tell you how pointless that is. I mean, there's all kinds of penguin references lurking among the nodegel. Penguins both real and imagined, both large and small, not to mention serious and silly. There are teacher penguins, mascot penguins, logo penguins, software penguins. Good heavens, there are modified warm-weather steely-clawed warpenguins out there amidst drunken, sordid sphenisciform Barbies. Look over there; you can hear them coming; run! Run for your lives! God help you if you're carrying herring, or worse, a herring Big Mac.

See, they're not just cute. They're vice-peddling literate little perverted criminal junkies! Hide your children! There are things out there they just shouldn't see, no matter how many benign and healthy Penguin role models are to be found. God, they got my neighbor; those devious little waddling bastards actually entrapped him into buying highly illegal substances from a short, tuxedoed flightless waterfowl in an alley. Beware! They may be closing in on you at this very moment, unspeakable horrors at their command-

HORKhorkHORKhorkHORKHORK!

run for your lives! AIEEEIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Ahem. Please accept our apologies. From now on, all ISP bills will be payable in pickled herring. We now return you to your regularly scheduled inanity. Thank you.